This Poem is for John Reinan's Tweet.

 "According to several news consumers, I am dumb woke pathetic alt-left fucking trash. I plead guilty to being woke, since 6:30 this morning."

Journalists must have tough hides

and fearless consciences besides.

Since the rise of tweets and posts

reporters get more knocks than boasts.

Even mild pacific readers

call some writers mother breeders.

Civil discourse, it's well known,

has gone the way of the rotary phone.

Readers of such brutal scope

need mouths washed out with laundry soap.

I'm glad I'm not the Fourth Estate;

I don't like their attrition rate.

A Poem to Heather Long About Rent Prices.

 

"33 percent rent increases and bidding wars on rentals are the new norm in some parts of America as reopening comes with big price hikes"

Heather Long.  WaPo.  

What goes up and don't come down

is rent in any average town.

America is dispossessed

as renters become very stressed

as landlords jack the rental price

of places that would offend mice.

Housing is so tight that you

would think we're back in World War Two.

Since people can't afford high rent

and haven't got an extra cent

let's give each new born babe a tent

to live in when they're senescent. 

This Poem is for Sophie Haigney's Tweet. July 9.

 "Nothing like the extreme stress of trying to take a vacation :("

the bags are packed but I forgot

my toothbrush and my train of thought

this holiday is meant for peace

but that will take some elbow grease

eating out is still chaotic

and the wait staff still sclerotic

hotel rooms, airbnb --

there's no bath towels or soap, you see

any way you travel finds

some passengers who've lost their minds

and you'll begin to lose yours, too

with nerves that jump like kangaroo

when you travel with a crony

all you'll find is acrimony

vacationing this day and age

is stationary -- gah! -- road rage.

This Poem is for John Tevlin's Tweet.

 "Proud of myself. Managed to avoid a fistfight in the Home Depot parking lot by referring to myself as a senior citizen."

John Tevlin is a mighty man

who takes no guff at all.

Whether at Home Depot

or a poshy shopping mall.

He'd stand up to a woman;

he'd stand up to a child;

he'd stand up to a shopping cart

and not be very mild.

Toe to toe with he men,

he'd snap his fingers -- thus!

Then ask to be directed

to the nearest Senior bus.

With cane and large bifocals

he rules above the yokels.

Let us praise him

with our vocals!

Oh, that wily Johnny T.

Wish I was as old as he.

But I'm still quite young enough

to run away like scared cream puff.

This Poem is for Laurie Hertzel. (July 9)

 

A list of books

A list of books

Who wants power

or good looks

Just give me pages 

as my wages

My catalog includes

these lovely dames and dudes:

P.G. Wodehouse, what a guy!

His humor is still spry.

Patrick O'Brien --

there's no use in tryin'

to overpraise his stuff

Not when the seas are rough.

That Amy Tan,

she is my man

Domestic tales

so comprehensive

I buy her books

(though too expensive)

I could go on

and make you yawn.

Sufficient to say

books make my day.

Haiku: Tomato

 

The red tomato

and the yellow banana.

I will eat them both.

Today's Timericks: “It’s actually crazy how outdated it is.” People born after AOL Mail was invented seem to prefer to communicate in almost any other way. (NYT)

 

I'm a fuddy-duddy and I bet you are one too/burning up my email with my ancient point of view/Writing letters as a youth with postage ever rising/sending emails all for free was very appetizing/Now I learn I'm nothing but a relic of the past/and email is outdated as the work of Thomas Nast. 

The Japanese Beetles are Back.

(NYT)

Popillia japonica are back again this year/filling green thumb toilers with anxiety and fear/A highly mobile insect are these beetle herbivores/spoiling blooms and produce as it chews and sucks and bores/Action must be taken that's effective and more drastic/otherwise we're dealing with our roses being plastic!

Iceland tested a 4-day workweek. Employees were productive — and happier, researchers say.

(WaPo)

I suggest a work week that begins on Friday eve/and ends first thing on Saturday, and nobody will grieve/I practiced this for thirty years; results were gratifying/Of course we didn't eat much and my wife was always crying . . . 

The season of the yard sale is upon us once again/you can get a deck chair or a leaky fountain pen/ante up your dollars for a bargain that will grace/your home forever after and your living room debase!

Today's Timerick: White House Unveils Strategy to Combat Domestic Extremism. (NYT)

 

Americans have always been/full of patriotic sin/Domestic terrorists persist/in using an explosive fist/Guns and bombs are how they show/their jingoistic lumbago/Protect us, Lord, from partisans extreme/as they attack the American dream.

 U.S. athletes who protest their country’s flag are playing right into China’s hands.

(WaPo)

Old Glory stands for something rare/But athletes do not seem to care/They turn their back upon its face/and thus its ideals do disgrace/When Beijing sees this foofaraw/they cannot help but shout 'Hoorah!/If one of them scorned their own flag/they'd wind up in a body bag!

TV news crews are increasingly threatened with violence on the job.

(WaPo)

Reporters on the TV news/are tough but do not like a bruise/They've learned it's best to cut and run/when someone has to wave a gun/to show their disappointment in/reporters and their next of kin/I guess now ev'ry boob tube bard/will have to use a bodyguard!

Octopuses and squid are full of cephalopod character. But more scientists are making the case that cuttlefish hold the key to unlocking evolutionary secrets about intelligence.

(NYT)

The cuttlefish is quite astute/though it looks like a parachute/The scientists say it has brains/But still I think the fact remains/I'd rather eat one on a plate/than let it go and cogitate.

Today's Timericks: Biden Calls for Door-to-Door Vaccine Push; Experts Say More Is Needed. (NYT)

 

Now they're going door to door/on their knees they do implore/everyone to get a shot/You will heed them, will you not?/Or do you expect to last/till Gabriel blows final blast?/Foolish mortal, don't you know/Mother Nature's a yobbo? 

North America Has Its Hottest June on Record.

(NYT)

The month of June/now makes us swoon/The heat's intense/it makes no sense/No one survives/with decent lives/when climate change/becomes this strange.

Good news: The weddings are back on! Bad news: You have to go to all of them.

(WaPo)

I never go to weddings/I find them declasse/The seating is confusing/just like bad macrame/The ministers all mumble/the food is catered blight/If people want to marry/they should elope at night!

Lord, the scorching heat these days/reminds me I must mend my ways/lest the flames of keen regret/burn me like a cigarette/Help me better thoughts to breed/and call on Thee in all my need!

Today's Timericks: A hacking group that experts said was behind the sprawling ransomware attack that hit hours before the beginning of the July Fourth holiday weekend is demanding $70 million to unlock the thousands of businesses affected by the hack. (NYT)

 

Asimov nor H.G. Wells/ever thought of hacking hells/where the ransomware now roams/wrecking bizness, banks, and homes/Even Mr. Verne would state/our future's in an awful state!

 How Bad Are U.S. Wildfires? Even Hawaii Is Battling a Surge.  (NYT)

When the beaches catch on fire/thinking people must inquire/how much further must we go/before the greenhouse gases blow/all of us to kingdom come/and Earth becomes mere bubble gum.

Surging global food prices put staple meals out of reach, from Nigerian jollof rice to Russian pasta and Argentine steak.

(WaPo)

Gluttons of the world unite!/Let's defend our appetite/for the things we love to eat/driving grocers to defeat/Steak and pudding; rice and beans/and give us no cost parsley greens/Else our wrath you'll soon find out/as we skin you like a trout!

The more I look at crypto-dough/the more I want to take it slow/It's like amoebas in a dish/that may grow large or all go squish/Nobody knows which way they'll swing/I'd trade all mine for a buffalo wing.