What in the sam hill prompted me to use the adjective 'Oriental' yesterday in my story instead of 'Asian?' The online Merriam-Webster defines oriental as: "Of, from, or characteristic of East Asia." While Asian is defined as: "Relating to Asia or its people, customs, or languages." Asian is capitalized, oriental is not. I would never use 'oriental' to describe a person; to me it seems demeaning.
Rereading that portion of my story I sense that the whole pitch is off. I'm ringing a tin bell. It's not that I was insincere when I wrote of my desire for companionship. That is real, and I intend to pursue it as remorselessly as Javert pursues Jean Valjean. But I crafted it wrong, which led to the use of a wrong word. I was flippant and diffident when I should have been simple and direct. So I must restate the theme:
I long for companionship to rekindle love and trust in my silent heart, and to motivate me once again to serve someone besides myself. I have a compulsion about Asian women, and will find one about 20 years younger than me (so we don't have to worry about children) who wants to enter into a lawful and binding marriage with me. A woman who is willing to investigate my beliefs as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Aye, there's the rub -- the troubling nub of my pursuit. I'm not so much interested in finding and dating an Asian woman who is already a Church member as I am in finding and dating an Asian woman who is not. Because why? Because of what I call the King Solomon Syndrome: the desire to consort with heathen and pagan beauty so I can conquer them and invite them into my faith. And perhaps be seduced a bit by pagan and heathen inclinations? Alas, there is a soupcon of that in me. Solomon was not strong enough to overcome the wicked beauty of his concubines. But I suspect the old goat enjoyed his trip down the primrose path immensely.
8:42 a.m.
I went over to Fresh Market for a warm bagel. I'd seen the cashier there hundreds of times over the past two years. She's Asian, her name tag reads 'Elvi,' so I asked her where the name came from.
She grimaced and blushed.
"Philippines" she said very softly.
"Oh, are you from the Philippines?"
"Yes."
End of social interaction. She's in her twenties, with a bad case of acne, so not on my companionship radar. But I gotta start somewhere, somehow. I'd never spoken to her before except to give her my Fresh Market ID number:
Conversation: For me, the final frontier. These are the dialogues of Tim Torkildson. My continuing mission: to meet and greet Asian women. To seek out new life and become more civilized. To boldly go where I've never been before.
The jalapeno/cheddar cheese bagel, by the way, was delicious spread with smoked salmon-flavored cream cheese. I drank a can of V-8 with it. I'm eating a light breakfast because I hope to go over to the Silver Dish Thai Restaurant on Center Street for lunch today, to scout for any forty-ish Thai women in the kitchen or on the wait staff.
But easy does it; 'discretion' must be my watchword. I often hurtle pell mell into my goals and whims, with the inevitable disastrous consequences. After my divorce I moved back to Minneapolis to help my recently widowed mother and went to work for AT&T in their new cell phone billing department. Back then there was no such thing as prepaid cards. Every cell phone user has an account and was billed each month. When an account went 30 days overdue a little gnome somewhere in the bowels of the AT&T building out in Edina pulled a switch that routed all calls from the delinquent account to me and my cohorts, no matter what number they actually dialed. The cell phone owner had to make payment arrangements with me over the phone in order to get their service restored. Crude, but effective.
Hurting, and hungry for a new relationship, I took a few of the gals in my office out to dinner and a movie, one by one, but nothing clicked until Jody started to work in the cubicle next to me. She had bad teeth and was herself recently divorced. I decided I would fall in love with her in the grand Romantic tradition of The Sorrows of Young Werther. So I surreptitiously began leaving little trinkets on her desk, all labeled "From an admirer." She swept them all into her wastebasket without so much as a glance my way. She spoke in a high nasal whine and chewed gum incessantly, which made me obsessively enamored of her -- just like Philip Carey in Of Human Bondage. I was in a sad way and the whole shebang ended in farce when I bought a two-pound box of Fanny Farmer chocolates, wrapped in bright pink tissue paper, to deposit anonymously on her desk. When she came in that morning she took one look at the conspicuous package and immediately went to her supervisor to report a bomb threat. We all had to clear out of the office while the Fire Department cautiously dismantled the nougat-filled explosive.
I currently have a Thai woman pen pal of sorts. My old friend in the Pacific wanted to introduce me to some Thai women I might consider for companionship. Initially I wanted to tell him to mind his own beeswax, but a compliant mood stealing over me by accident one day, I emailed one of his suggested contacts. We have kept up a friendly but reserved email correspondence. She is anxious to move here, but her ill health and lack of means will probably prevent that from ever happening. She used to live here in Utah, but moved back to Thailand to take care of her mother. She's reading this story, and here's what she said about it today:
Dear Tim,
Thank you very much for sending me your Min tull. 1 and 2. So this is your new way of writing. It was completely different style from the way you used to write. I think it is quite interesting. There were many topics to read from you at once.
One of your topics that surprised me Tim. It was that you are hoping to find your self a new companionship. With an oriental woman who is 20 years younger than you. Wow! That is really a wonderful news to me. Now you have opened your heart and willing to be fulfill with your heart desire. Tim I wish you will find the woman of your dream someday soon. I want you to have someone who will loves you and willing to do anything for your happiness.
For me I had made my wish since the start of 2018. I took the leap of faith. Searching for a kind, warm hearted, open minded, have sense of humor, willing to compromise our differentces, understanding and honest. I usually do not make friend request with anyone. But it happened that there were guys made their friend requests with me. But most of the time after I accepted them, I founded that they were not my type or they were scammer. Now my expeience taught me how to separate the good from the bad. This thing hapoened to me because in my real life here in Thailand. I am not interested in Thai guys and I don't go out to socialize with people. I still live like a hermit. Till today I still have no luck in searching for my special man. That's too bad. But well, I guess that's life.
So I think I should pay attention to what my blessings once said. In due time of the Lord and in his own way, I shall find myself a mate. This tells me to continue to live with faith and being worthy for his blessings.
Tim I don't think I have share with you about the 20 years relationship I spent with my ex. family. I was a mom for his 2 young children and raised them until they become adults. I belived that was my misson and I fully success with it.
I do hope someday I would save enough money to buy me a lap top and a printer. So I can start seriously with my writng. I am sure I have so much to write about. My right hand is not well yet from the stroke. It is not easy to do a long writing.
As usual Tim, I wish all is well with you. I am sure you will soon accomplsh with what you have hope for. May our Heavenly Father bless you with what you wish for. I am looking forward to hear from you soon.
In my recurring fantasy of winning a huge Lottery prize I go to Thailand to set her up in a nice cottage with a fruit orchard and fish pond. Then she acts as a matchmaker to find me one of her numerous cousins to marry. All Thais have cousins coming out the wazoo, when there's money around.
This may become an epistolary novel, what with all the emails from friends and family I'm quoting. I'm wondering what the current laws are on quoting emails in a work of fiction, which I stoutly maintain this is. Here's what I'm seeing more and more frequently at the end of personal emails:
Confidentiality Notice: This e-mail message, including any attachments, is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure, or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original message.
Will any of that hogwash stand up in a court of law? I don't think quoting from a personal email is actionable.
"If the law supposes that, then the law is an ass" as Bumble the Beadle says quite rightly in Oliver Twist. But enough of this. Let us move on to other, more congenial matters.
The matter of me losing some weight, for example. My current weight is 326 pounds. At a height of 5'11'' I am obviously grossly corpulent. So I have decided that I will no longer buy or drink whole milk. I'm going to 2 percent as of today, and eventually will descend to 1 percent.
As to my ill temper and overall grumpiness, which has been growing like a weed of late, I am determined to appreciate the good and kindly things that happen to me. So I may have a drug, so to speak, to sweeten my disposition. For instance, one of my daughters emailed me today, in part:
Your emails lately have made me think about what life must have been like for you as a small boy. Although you report being quite mischievous and silly, it feels like you never felt loved and accepted by your parents. I want you to know that I have always felt completely loved by you and mom, despite all the wacky twists and turns in your lives. I hope you have lots of inspiration for your writing today, it always puts a smile on my face.
Now that benevolent little note should be enough to keep me in a happy and tolerant mood all day, if I keep the memory of it with me. May God set a rose upon her head.
4:04 p.m.
The Silver Dish was closed when I got there a little after 11 this morning, so I walked down to China Garden. The waitress was about the right age for me, but wore a wedding ring. Besides, she was missing several front teeth. I had the Luncheon Special of shrimp with mixed vegetables for $8.99. Then I walked down to the Rec Center for an hour of swimming, then went down to the Transit Center at University Mall in Orem to get my Senior Discount card for the bus. Instead of $2.50 per ride it's now $1.25 per ride. On the way home I stopped off at Deseret Industries to buy a fleece vest for the coming cold weather, along with a yellow silk polka dot necktie (should go good with my blue plaid shirt) and a glass measuring cup so I don't have to keep guessing at measurements in recipes, when I follow them. Most of the time I make up my own recipes as I go along.
Adam has sent me 3 rewrite assignments, five hundred words each. I groaned when I saw his email, because I want to write so much more to fill out this installment. But Adam pays me $25.00 per rewrite, and if I work really fast and don't lose focus I can produce fifteen hundred words of smush in just over an hour. Then I'll watch Netflix the rest of the evening and eat a corned beef sandwich while I watch Netflix. All the portentous thoughts I wrote down in my little black notebook to flesh out into sparkling prose while riding the bus today will have to wait until tomorrow -- or, more likely, simply become meaningless scribbles to me.
Here's the best thing I read today:
"Is there any good in saying everything?"
Basho
***********************************
My friend in the Pacific wrote me in response to my quixotic marital plans:
'll try to mind my own beezwax after this email, maybe. (Google response.)
After returning from China the first time, I decided to take a Chinese language class from the community education thing nearby, because I knew I wanted a Chinese wife. It may have been after the first class that I asked the teacher (who was not wearing a wedding ring) in bad Chinese if she was married. She actually finished the question for me, as I couldn't say it right. She said she was, and asked why. I said I thought I wanted to marry a Chinese woman. Did she know anyone? She said maybe, and would give me information next class. Turns out her sister-in-law was my wife's best friend in college, and she knew that my wife was single and that she should have an American husband.
Like I said yesterday, Chinese women do not pursue. They must be pursued and convinced by the man. And it was by luck, or by blessing things fell into place, and I have been grateful every day for the past 21+ years we've been married.
Moral of the story: I let it be known I was looking.
I often wish all my single male friends could find someone like my wife. I used to think "Just go to China and get one." Now I realize that 80% of what makes this marriage work is not that she's Chinese, but that she's X who just happens to be Chinese.
And another thing. Because of the Kavenough thing lately I asked her an old question: "Do you think all women should have access to abortion? Do you think that morality should be forced?" She said "Of course all women should have access to abortion, and it's not a matter of morality. It's practicality. You don't want to compound a mistake of pregnancy by having the baby. I'm from China. We were forced to have abortions if we got pregnant more than once. I've had an abortion. What's the big deal? I wasn't born religious." And I thought "Thank goodness".
This crap about Jezabels and heathen and pagan women. Good freaking crap. How about life? How about humanity. How about the heart? How about kindness and love and realness? Oh no, it has to be the Lord's way. The Lord's the one who shares in the marriage. Oh, I really resent anyone trying to make anyone else feel that way. And fortunately I don't believe it one bit. I happen to still believe in the Heavens, and I happen to believe the Heavens helped me find and marry my dear wife. I honestly wasn't smart enough to do it on my own. I was nudged all the way to the day we got married on June 27, 1997 in a small room at the building with the words "Marriage with Foreigners" or something like that. And so, the Heavens helped me marry a heathen woman. How do you figure that one? And I've never been happier. Yeah, I thank the heavens for her.
But that doesn't mean some people would be happier because of a shared religious belief. That does make sense. But I honestly don't think women from Thailand or China will ever really fully believe in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and all it says it is. My wife would join if I asked her, but she'd never really believe. Okay, marry a heathen, and get her to join up and go to the temple. She'll think it's fun.
I'm pretty sick of myself recently. Pretty disgusted with myself. So maybe I'm going to go home now and ride my bike. Maybe I'll start riding my bike to work now. It will take about 3 hours every day.
