When Amazon announced their plan for fifty thousand jobs
In a brand new building, claimants came at them in mobs.
Ev’ry state and county wanted in on this bonanza.
They promised ev’rything they could -- right down to Tony Danza!
Minnesota’s governor said they could have their pick
Of any site they wanted -- he’d ignore arithmetic.
Iowa grew snippy, giving Minnesota scorn --
THEY would give to Amazon unlimited sweet corn!
Out in North Dakota, as the oil began to wane,
They vowed to vaccinate for free against the dread murrain.
Michigan’s entreaties grew quite warm, and then got hotter;
Amazon employees would be comped with bottled water!
Alabama offered them a site without a union.
New York City whispered about call girls for communion.
Texas had a ranch for them; about ten thousand acres.
Pennsylvania lined up queues of mum indentured Quakers!
The offers waxed so frantic that the Amazon execs
Couldn’t eat or sleep, and grew as thin as cheap latex.
Finally, as patriots, they voted without qualm
To put up their new campus in the midst of Vietnam!
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