Ledes & Limericks. Wednesday January 10 2018

“They become more and more reliant on these taxpayer subsidies,
legal notices,” Kitchens said of the bona fide circulation newspapers.
“These papers would have a tough time without these.
We’re basically subsidizing mediocrity. I think that’s the
problem.”

From the Door County Pulse

The legal notice is a boon

To give small papers gold doubloon.

Since even mediocrity

Can still bring out true potpourri.

Since Jan. 1, technology companies
face fines of up to €50 million
($60 million) if they fail to delete
illegal content on their platforms,
ranging from slander and libel to
neo-Nazi propaganda and calls
to violence. The law applies to most
social-media networks in Germany.

A hate monger living in Bonn

Found that his claws had been drawn

On internet post

Where he was the host,

Reducing him to dumb capon.

I.R.S. Paid $20 Million to Collect

$6.7 Million in Tax Debts

From the NYTimes

I wouldn’t give two cents to be

A darn IRS employee.

They do little more

Than spit on the floor

And memo each other with glee.

Ledes & Limericks Tuesday January 9 2018

Newspaper Editor Canned After Twitter
Kerfuffle

Denis Finley of 'Free Press' said Vt. driver's license change
on gender would bring on 'apocalypse'

from newser.com

@jenngidman

An editor down in Vermont

Sent his brain out on a jaunt,

Resulting in tweets

That gave his boss pleats;

A bench in the park he now haunts . . .

Today’s Catty Question: Who Thought

Cat Cafes Were a Good Idea?

A feline cafe in Missouri

With kittens so cuddly and furry

Was taken to court

Because a report

Found mousers in most of their curry.

Amway Made China a Billion-Dollar

Market. Now It Faces a Crackdown.

The Chinese are catching on fast;

They think that Amway should be cast

Back into the sea

To drown noisily,

And if they return to be gassed.

perdre mon travail et perdre ma foi

J'ai commencé à perdre mes repères spirituels lorsque ma femme Amy a fait une fausse couche la semaine après avoir perdu mon emploi de clown au parc d'attractions Circus World à Haines City, en Floride. Nous avions déjà un enfant et j'avais rendu un bon travail à Bottineau, dans le Dakota du Nord, en tant que présentateur de radio, pour venir en Floride redevenir un clown. Mais j'ai été viré pour avoir changé mon maquillage de clown sans demander la permission à la direction. Quelques jours après la fausse couche, j'ai pu mettre Amy et notre bébé Madelaine dans un avion pour aller rester avec ses parents pendant qu'elle récupérait et je cherchais du travail en Floride. Ce que j'ai trouvé était un travail en tant que vendeur dans une station de radio à Natchez, Mississippi. Mais trois jours après ma nouvelle carrière, j'étais tellement terrifiée à l'idée de vivre à part Amy et le bébé que j'ai quitté mon nouveau travail précipitamment et que je suis retournée au Dakota du Nord pendant un blizzard maussade. Quand je me suis présenté à la maison de ses parents, je n'avais pas de travail et pas d'argent - et la voiture dans laquelle je suis monté a laissé tomber un piston le jour suivant et est devenue une pièce sans valeur. J'ai dû faire comme si je croyais en un Dieu aimant au Ciel depuis longtemps, après tout ce qui est arrivé.

俳句：約束の芽

都市の通りに 新しい生命の脆弱なヒント 種に崩壊する


on a city street the brittle hint of new life crumbles into seed

俳句：死ぬ月

降伏と退色 寒い目に見えない夜明けが待っています 暗い枝の中で

yielding and fading a cold unseen dawn awaits in the dark branches

My Daughter Daisy's Missionary Email, from San Clemente, California.

Hey Everybody! Long time, no email haha. Sorry about not writing for a few weeks, it's been so crazy busy with the holidays and everything else that's been happening that I've hardly had time!!

The holidays were so awesome, just being with members and missionaries all the time has kept my spirits pretty high :) 

Lately we've been having tremendous success in finding people to teach and even setting some baptismal dates for some of our investigators!! Lisa is one investigator who came to church a few weeks ago with a friend, and has had Mormon friends her whole life. This was my first Sunday, so everything was kind of overwhelming with meeting new people and stuff, but she walks up to me and my companion and asks if we could teach her the lessons so that she could be baptized!! I was a little speechless, so I'm grateful that my companion had enough sense to answer back that yes, we would love to teach her haha. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, we taught her the first lesson about the restoration of the gospel and she just soaked up everything we had to say. I think God has been preparing her her whole life, and now she feels like she is ready to take that next step and be baptized. I love seeing how Jesus Christ personally impacts people's lives, because I know how much he's impacted mine. I don't hold any shame or guilt for the mistakes I've made, because I've changed my heart and turned my back on those mistakes. I've asked for forgiveness, and received it even when I didn't think I could.  When people know what being baptized actually means to them, it's awesome to see the change that comes over them and how much happier they are. We also have an investigator named Paula, who is a foreign exchange student from Spain, being baptized on the 3rd of February and she is the sweetest person ever. She loves going to church, even though it's three hours haha, and she loves reading the Book of Mormon and the Bible. It's taken her a few months of investigating the church to set a date for baptism, but just yesterday we asked her and she gave us one! We have so much work to do in this area with finding people to teach, and doing lessons, working with the ward members. It's crazy and it's awesome, and there's nowhere else that I'd rather be :) I love being a missionary and I love you, my friends! Don't forget that God knows you personally, knows your wants and needs and is ready to bless you, but you have to ask first. Don't ever be afraid to rely on Him for help and comfort. Have a great week, and happy new year!

Love,

Sister Torkildson ( or as people here like to call me, Sister T. ;)

*****************************************************************************************

My Dear Sister T;

Your email absolutely resonates with a happy and adventurous spirit. I’m so glad you are enjoying yourself and finding a sacred purpose in your life. You are gathering a wonderful treasure in heaven, and will reap fine blessings here as well!

Now . . . let us continue with your writing lessons . . .

Please, when you talk about your investigators, try for more descriptive detail. What do they wear? Shoes. Hats. blouses. Skirts. Hairstyle. Nail color. Etc.

You gave us some information on Paula, namely that she is an exchange student from Spain. Well and good -- now, we want to know, we need to know, we deserve to know does she have an accent; what does she think of American food; where in Spain is she from (the Spanish are extremely territorial about their cities and provinces); how does she think her family will react to her interest in the Church; where is she going to school and what is she studying; when does she go back to Spain.

Knowing all this, and repeating it in an email, will help fix the details in your mind for a long time to come. And that’s important. Sadly, I cannot remember much of anything about the investigators I taught in Thailand, because I did not bother to record their specific details anywhere. Always avoid generalities when writing, my dear -- they are literary kapok. (a fine, fibrous cotton like substance that grows around the seeds of the ceiba tree, used as stuffing for cushions, soft toys, etc.)

That is all for now, my little begonia. I have been feeling good about 40% of each day -- the rest of the time I often take to my bed to rest and read. I’ve got several conditions that continue to chip away at my strength and health, and hopefully when I finally get on Medicare this fall on my 65th birthday I will be able to have some medical procedures done to reverse my slow decline. Take care, and God bless.  The pater.

Ledes & Limericks. Monday January 8 2018.

THINGS GO BETTER WITH COKE, LAXATIVE EDITION.

From the Wall Street Journal

There was an old person who found

Whenever his bowels were bound,

A snort of this drink

Put him in the pink,

Although there was flatulent sound.

The U.S. Has Fewer Crimes. Does That

Mean It Needs Fewer Police?

From the New York Times

Crime is subsiding -- hooray!

But cops are increasing -- oy vey!

We need more police

Like sheep need more fleece;

They’re getting in each other’s way.

A leading activist investor and a pension fund are saying the smartphone
maker Apple needs to respond to what some see as a growing
public-health crisis of youth phone addiction.   From the wall street journal.

@DaveCBenoit  

There was a young lad who I fear

An Iphone got stuck in his ear.

A doctor tried grout,

Which pulled his brains out --

He’s now but a dull chandelier.

Irn Bru, a Scottish Favorite,

Loses Some Sugar

They used to call it Iron Brew;

Twas made from girders, tried & true.

But now the sugar disappears

And Scotland sheds some bitter tears.

俳句：ロックグリーンまたはグレーですか？

苔のように私の上で育った 寒い時期の湿った岩の上に 私の心の潮に近い。

grown on me like moss on a damp rock in a cold time close to my heart's tide.

In Mormon Chapels ev'rywhere they glorify the folding chair.

In Mormon churches ev’rywhere

They glorify the folding chair.

No meeting can be held without

These metal marvels, clean and stout.

Inside the chapel, there are pews

To rest and hear the Gospel news --

But even there, the overflow

Is stocked with folding chairs to go.

They’re stored in ev’ry nook and cran --

In bathroom, behind garbage can.

The Elders Quorum goes to town

In putting up and taking down!

So if you ever chance to be

Inside a Mormon sacristy,

Please bring a pad with downy fill --

Those metal seats are awful chill . . .

Modèles de guérison

Le cirque a toujours été mon salut. Quand j'avais besoin d'argent, le cirque me le donnait en échange de clowns et d'autres tâches. Quand j'étais triste, ou enragé, ou sur une longue beuverie, il m'a apaisée et m'a tiré de la boue existentielle pour me vautrer dans la vraie boue de la vie quotidienne dans une tente. Cela m'a donné quelques amis précieux, et beaucoup d'autres ennemis encore plus précieux. Pendant plus de trente ans, le cirque était le seul modèle sûr de ma vie. Et pendant que je travaillais pour des cirques, j'ai pris des photos de beaucoup d'autres modèles que j'ai vus au cours de mes voyages.

En voyageant avec le cirque, je devins obsédé par les schémas froids et sans vie des sous-stations électriques, en particulier dans l'ouest des États-Unis, où ces constructions monstrueuses étaient généralement placées en évidence au bord d'une route aride. Avec leur bourdonnement menaçant, ces sous-stations semblaient prêtes à sortir mon âme et à l'ajouter au réseau électrique.

J'aimais le camion blanchisseur, où les bancs se pliaient comme un accordéon muet. C'était toujours l'un des premiers véhicules à arriver sur le terrain où jouerait le cirque. Il a été gardé fraîchement peint et frotté avant qu'il ne soit plié pour la nuit et encore le matin après qu'il a été déplié. S'asseoir dans une tente de cirque sur l'un de ces gradins, regarder les clowns transpirer et sentir la merde des animaux, c'est trouver un sens rude et durable aux insultes de la vie.