You can scorn my church and party; you may sneer at my physique --
but don't you dare say anything about my cloves or leek!
It may be a free country, where all voices can be heard,
but I will start a lawsuit if you don't like lemon curd.
And when it comes to grass-fed and organic caviar
I'll gladly get into the ring and with you grimly spar.
My food must be correct in ev'ry manner, shape, and source;
and if my spouse thinks diff'rent I'll just file for a divorce!
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