Restaurant Review: Breakfast at Chick-fil-A

I cannot make myself like Chick-fil-A, no matter how hard I try. McDonald's I like. Arby's is okay. Dairy Queen has its ups and downs. Burger King I relish. KFC is my go-to place for comfort food. Carl's Jr is my home away from home. But this upstart fowl has found no place in my heart or stomach. I guess I came to it too late. I never ate at one until my daughter Madelaine treated me when I returned from Thailand back in 2012. By then my trencherman ways were set.

I've been in Chick-fil-A several times, and the staff never looks too happy. Maybe they miss working on Sundays

I got the chicken biscuit combo, for $5.09. I took a bunch of sauce packets because, as you can see, the meal itself is rather dinky. The sauces kinda fill it out.

The tater coins were minuscule

I got there at 9:30; the indoor trade was nil

It's hard to fault a fast food joint that offers honey -- to me, that's classy

The obligatory restroom selfie -- why am I obsessed with taking these at every restaurant I visit? I must be sick

Their breakfast biscuits crumble at the slightest touch, making the biscuit sandwich a hassle to eat. Why don't they serve chicken gravy over biscuits, as breakfast chicken al a king? I'd eat that every day.

Headlines. Wednesday. July 5. 2017

VOLVO CHALLENGES IDEA OF INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE: SAYS ALL ITS VEHICLES WILL BE BATTERY OPERATED BY 2019 

Internal combustion is dead,

And anything gasoline fed

Will soon be outlawed

As shamefully flawed

(Unless with Shell Oil you are wed.)

WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO AMERICA'S FORESTS? JUST ASK THE NEW YORK TIMES.  

When reading a newspaper, pause

To ponder on what is the cause

Of air quality

That kills jollity --

Are trees for newsprint a faux pas?

NEW STUDY BY ALCOHOL INDUSTRY TO ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO DRINK MORE, AND THINK LESS. 

A glass of wine with ev’ry meal

Has certainly got an appeal.

And since all I do

Is snack all day through,

By noon I’m as drunk as an eel!

DEMOCRATIC PARTY ENLISTS MILITARY VETERANS TO RUN FOR OFFICE TO OFFSET REPUBLICAN VICTORIES 

The Democrats, hedging their bets,

Are running large numbers of vets.

They think Green Berets

Have got winning ways --

And won’t cause them any regrets.

Headlines & Verse. Tuesday. July 4. 2017.

STATES DENY TRUMP'S REQUEST FOR VOTER DATA

The bureaucrats down East in Maine

Have told Donald Trump he’s insane.

How people voted

Will not be noted

By Trump or another birdbrain.

CONGRESS TO MUZZLE THE IRS WHEN IT COMES TO OBAMACARE PENALTIES

Congress does not feel distress

In curbing the darn IRS --

Constituents cheer

Whenever they hear

Those momsers are under duress.

YOUR LUGGAGE WILL SOON HAVE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE -- WILL YOU?

When luggage is smarter than me

It’s time for a lobotomy.

No suitcase of mine

Is going online --

Or blood pressure to oversee.

JOEY CHESTNUT SETS NEW WORLD'S RECORD FOR EATING HOT DOGS.

There was a young man name of Joey

Who wanted to be someone showy.

At Nathan’s he gorged

On hot dogs, and forged

A stomach complaint that was doughy.

Restaurant Review: Sonic, on State Street in Provo

The ubiquitous Sonic is beyond the ken of critics, just like McDonald's and KFC. There's nothing to write about the food itself, only the experience of dining there. Whether this kind of food is poisonous or neutral is a debate that will not become morally clear for perhaps another century. By then we may very well be wishing for the 'good old days' when a cheap burger and crispy french fries were available at all.

I never see any beat up old jalopies at the Sonic drive through window -- either trailer trash can't afford eating there, or it's primarily one of middle class America's most endemic vices.

To me, the sheer volume of menu choices is daunting. I become indecisive, terrified that if I order one good thing to eat I'm going to miss out on another equally good or better item. Sometimes I dream of winning the Lotto and then coming here with all my friends and ordering every stinking thing on the menu, so I can sample it and my pals can clean it up after me.

Of course at Sonic if you don't have a car you dine al fresco

Just push the big red button and place your order. I ordered the Breakfast Burrito Supreme, with a limeade.

Here comes my order now. It only took 'em 7 minutes

Not too shabby.

Can someone explain to me what 'old fashioned' means in this context? I mean fry sauce has only been around for, what, less than twenty years?

Hey look! I get a mint in my bag. That's classy.

If you look closely you'll see I had 76 cents in change -- but I paid with my debit card. So what gives? I didn't get no stinkin' change. This is flummery!

When Utah votes for a 15 dollar minimum wage I'll go to work at Sonic

Headlines & Verse. Monday. July 3. 2017

REFUGEES SHUN THE U.S. AS OUR EVIL REPUTATION SENDS THEM TO SAFER HAVENS

Trump makes the U.S. so haunting

That refugees find us too daunting.

They’ll try Mexico,

And not Chicago

(our murder rates we should keep flaunting . . . )

FREEDOM OF THE PRESS UNDER ATTACK IN AMERICA. SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW? 

The Press likes to think it’s unique

In not being able to speak

The truth anymore --

But there are a score

Of those who prefer the oblique

NEW YORK'S 'OPEN CAGE' POLICY UNDER ASSAULT AS FLOPPY EARED RABBIT BECOMES LATEST VICTIM OF VICIOUS PETNAPPING. (IT'S A SLOW NEWS DAY)

If I were a rabbit this year

I might be inclined to adhere

To packing some heat,

To make the punks fleet

When they make a grab at my ear.

NABISCO EXPERIMENTS WITH OREO MAKEOVER -- ARE THERE NO STANDARDS LEFT IN THE WORLD?

They’re messin’ with the Oreo -- although they say they’re not.

This really gets my goat and ties my stomach in a knot.

Who are they to tinker with a cookie so complete

That all you need is milk to be ecstatically replete?

Experiment with anything you like, but if you change

A single crumb of Oreo your face I’ll rearrange!

NEW STUDY FINDS YOUNG MEN WOULD RATHER PLAY VIDEO GAMES THAN FIND A JOB 

Our video games are so cool

They keep our young men out of school --

They spend ev’ry day

At video play,

And won’t get wet in the job pool.

Photo Essay: Potluck at the Bishop's House. Provo.

We start our Sunday services late, and don't get out until 5:30 in the evening. Since today was Fast Sunday, the Bishop invited everyone in the Ward over for a potluck tonight at 6.

There was pink lemonade and cupcakes made from scratch

Happy Ward members among the overgrown bushes

Kids goofing off for the camera

Sometimes Mormons can smile a leeeetle too much . . . 

What would the LDS Church be without young married couples deeply in love?

Waiting for the watermelon

The Bishop worries: Are there enough tortilla chips?

This baby is thinking: "Hey, let me at that guacamole dip!" 

"That's a good point, dear"

At an LDS feed there's always plenty for everybody

Let's get another look at those cupcakes . . .

A potluck is always a good place to try out some new headgear. Just call me Captain Peachfuzz.

Headlines & Verse. Sunday. July 2. 2017

EUROPEAN CITIES BANISH TOURISTS THIS SUMMER. WILL THE BIG APPLE FOLLOW SUIT?

A tourist who visited Venice

Was thrown out of town as a menace.

“You’re ruining our space!”

They said to his face --

“The San Pantalon ain’t for tennis!”

EVEN PIRATES HAVE TO BEHAVE THEMSELVES IN THESE SENSITIVE TIMES. DISNEY TO REVAMP ICONIC 'PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN' RIDE 

Walt Disney thought pirates were game.

Today they just have to be lame.

They can’t take a wench

Into their foul clench --

Nor can they set cities aflame.

THE TSA WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE READING ON YOUR NEXT FLIGHT -- BE PREPARED TO SHOW 'EM THAT PLAYBOY OR TRASHY HARLEQUIN

When packing a bag for a flight

I like to take books that are light.

Not porn -- something clean;

Like MAD Magazine.

Not newspapers -- they are just trite.

WILL FERRELL LOBS ANOTHER BOMB AT THE AMERICAN PUBLIC WITH HIS LATEST FILM -- 'THE CASINO.' WHY DOESN'T HOMELAND SECURITY DO SOMETHING ABOUT HIM? 

Will Ferrell makes movies like custard --

In which he has added some mustard.

The taste is unique --

It’s not a technique

That keeps viewers seated and clustered.