3 Stories from the LA Times -- #1 Stormy Daniels -- #2 Are California School Kids Dumber than Average? -- #3 Japanese Billionaire to fly to Moon

The British newspaper The Guardian obtained a pre-release copy of Stormy Daniel's book, titled “Full Disclosure.” In the passages they share, the former pornographic film actress writes in salacious detail about her encounter with Trump, which she writes was "the least impressive sex I’d ever had."

A prostitute writing a book

has got an immediate hook:

vast fortunes are paid

to see who gets laid --

while the authoress cocks a rich snook.

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When students enter school in California, they learn at a pace on par with — if not better than — those in other states.

The problem is that they arrive far behind their national peers, and they never catch up.

A child in the Golden State crawls

into the public school halls

at such a slow pace

that their future place

is clerking in large shopping malls.

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Japanese e-commerce billionaire Yusaku Maezawa will be the first paying customer to travel around the moon on SpaceX’s yet-to-be-developed BFR rocket, the company announced Monday night.

In a presentation at SpaceX headquarters in Hawthorne, Maezawa — who is worth $2.9 billion, according to Forbes — said that his flight will occur in 2023 and that he wants to invite six to eight artists to accompany him.

It would be mankind's greatest boon

to send billionaires to the moon,

but keep their cash here

to purchase good beer

to share in a drunken monsoon. 

Google's Smart Reply --

Originally launched as an app-only feature to help smartphone users avoid the hassle of typing on their phones, Smart Reply has become ubiquitous since Google began defaulting its 1.4 billion active accounts to the new version of Gmail in recent weeks. By next month, the feature—which uses artificial intelligence to scan incoming emails and predict possible responses—will become a default setting for all Gmail accounts.   WSJ

I do not like Smarty Reply.

It's like a vexatious magpie.

There's no thought behind

the phrases streamlined;

another abuse of AI.

What kind of personality are you?

In a report published Monday in the journal Nature Human Behavior, researchers at Northwestern University in Illinois identify four personality types: reserved, role models, average and self-centered.  WaPo

I've been around the block a couple times and so I know

the kind of personalities that people often show.

Rubbing shoulders with the best and worst has taught me well

that most folk crawl around inside a very heavy shell.

And when they take a peek outside, just like the torpid snail,

their faces look so wicked it would make a Karloff quail.

This makes me misanthropic, trusting no one but myself

to guide my humble destiny while gathering some pelf.

I don't think personality is likely to be known

from tests and mumbo jumbo that come from the Twilight Zone.

People just are no darn good -- that is my guide and stay;

I try to keep them at arm's length and hope they'll go away.

In fact I've come at last to think -- well, now, just what is this?

Who is this little cutie pie that's giving me a kiss?

My grand daughter, god bless her heart, is begging for a cuddle.

Forget all that I wrote above; twas just an old man's muddle.

An Email from Sister Torkildson in California

Aloooooooha! 

Okay, so I have a LOT of catching up to do in the photo department as you can see! We've had some wonderful adventures the last couple of weeks such as: hiking in Laguna Beach at a place called Top of the World; Zone temple trip to Newport Beach! (I've included the goofy one because I don't want you to think that we're completely normal, we're definitely not!); a Relief Society (women's group at church) beach party!( were technically not ON the sand just a few inches from it, so no rules broken ;) ; fun group outings and much more! 

But as much fun as we have had, we've also been working super hard. Since I am a Sister Training Leader in the zone, I get to go to additional meetings to learn more about how to be an effective leader and how to help others in my zone. I learned a lot at this last meeting we had on Friday; we talked a lot about sacrifice ( this topic keeps coming up for some reason) and how it means to make something holy; we also talked about expecting a miracle even when it seems like you're not being rewarded for the good things you do. There was a missionary who quoted something and I really liked it and wanted to share it with you as well: "Pray like everything depends on God and then work as if everything depends on you." In having a mindset like that, there's no way that you won't see miracles! I have also been learning about the importance of sharing what I believe to be true with others sincerely, even though they may seem uninterested or rude. It's hard for someone to reject a statement of belief, especially when it's sincere and heartfelt. So I'm working on choosing to love people and give them the best opportunity to hear the message we have instead of just handing them a card with our number on it. I'll share one experience with that that we had this week: 

On Friday night we had dinner with a member at 5 Guys and as we were walking to our car afterwards we saw a woman walking toward us who worked in the business complex. We decided to stop and talk to her and we came to find that she was recently divorced and going through a rough time. She said she misses church and needs to go back, so we taught her about God's love for her and that he knows her personally and wants her and her family to be together forever. She started to cry and we embraced her and asked if we could share more messages like that with her and she excitedly said yes. We got her contact information and sent it to the Anaheim mission since that's where she lives ,but This was such a tender experience for me to have been a part of. It greatly increased my faith and testimony that God has everything under control and he will put us where he needs us. You truly never know what people are going through, but God does and He will put you in the right place at the right time so that you can help someone else feel how much He loves them and knows them. 

I love this gospel, it brings so much joy and happiness to our lives! I love being a representative of Jesus Christ, I will always hold this time in my life as a sacred experience to reflect upon for the rest of my life. I love each one of you, and I know our Father in Heaven does too! Have a wonderful week! 

How Fat are Mormons? -- The Aging Japanese Army -- Keeping Sugar out of the Office

A new report from Trust for America’s Health and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation found that Utah has the sixth-lowest obesity rate in the country.  Deseret News

Why are the Mormons so thin?

"The fat of the land" is no sin.

Perhaps their travails

upon mountain trails

is keeping them just bone and skin.

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Like the rest of Japan, the country’s military is getting older—and a shortage of young recruits has raised concerns among defense planners about maintaining the strength of its forces. WSJ

The Japanese Army's so old

they no longer march, but are rolled

in wheelchairs to war

since their feet are sore,

with blankets to keep out the cold.

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Most employees like the free doughnuts, cake and other confections that get parked “in the usual place” at work. But exploding rates of obesity and diabetes make sugar more like cigarettes to some employers. Tempting treats are the new secondhand smoke.  WSJ

My boss says no donuts for me;

they're giving me obesity.

But coffee and tea

are offered for free --

caffeine's got good lobbyists, see?

A Tweet from Trump -- Consumer Sentiment

Consumer Sentiment hit its highest level in 17 years this year. Sentiment fell 11% in 2015, an Obama year, and rose 16% since the Election, @realDonaldTrump


Consumers all love me, you bet.
They've never had cause to regret
my tariffs or walls,
and overseas brawls --
and I am not through with them yet!

flower pushing rock

flower pushing rock --

so you think you can move it?

I'll write down your dream

happy pine needles

happy pine needles

regardless of the season

bristling with life

Religious Beliefs Punished in China

All of the five officially tolerated religions by Chinese leaders — Buddhism, Catholicism, Daoism, Islam and Protestantism — are now experiencing draconian treatment from the government of President Xi Jinping . . . 
WaPo

There was a believer named Wu

who didn't know what he should do.

His duty to Xi

made his deity

a felony and ballyhoo.

at a weekend stand

the summer blushes

of peaches laid in cartons

at a weekend stand