Photo Essay: Did I move these stones, or did they move me?

Why must dogs be fed,

grass be cut,

trash be taken out,

but stones not be stacked?

A rock garden,

or a plant-based steak;

do either actually count

as real?

Did I move these stones,

or did they move me?

Stones

and trash

and fish --

The Three Great Mysteries.

Photo Essay: Postcards from my Kids. "I woke up singing Happy Birthday to anyone who was there."

In today's batch of postcards I find that Adam has apparently broken his nose and had surgery on it -- I had forgotten all about that, and can't fill in any of the details for avid readers or history buffs. He mentions how cute the nurse is, but since she is "about 24 or so" he gives her a pass.
I sometimes wonder if any of my kids, or grand kids, are going to become famous. In this day of the Influencer with a million followers, it's not too hard to do it. I've been 'famous' several times -- once for my fight with Michu, the World's Smallest Man; once when I was on the Tonight Show; once when not one but two New York Times reporters did stories on my topical light verse;  and several years back when I was fired from Nomen Global when the boss thought I was encouraging the LGBT agenda because I wrote a company blog about homophones.
When I gaze into my crystal ball I fondly predict that Katrina, Adam's daughter, is going to make the Torkildson name famous again -- probably as some kind of artist/entertainer. She has an elfin quality about her, along with an iron determination to have things her own way, that could lead to great things. Or to immense heartbreak.

Verses from news stories by Catie Edmondson, Annie Karni, Lori Rozsa, and Simon Denyer.

Fearing Political Peril, Republicans Edge Away From Trump on Pandemic Response
@CatieEdmondson

Republicans think Trump's a jinx;
the rank and file now from him shrinks.
Even with his strange hypnosis
he is shunned like halitosis.
Rats flee from the sinking ship
and give the Captain his pink slip.


‘I Will Never Lie to You,’ McEnany Says in First White House Briefing as Trump's New Press Secretary.
@anniekarni

A sprightly young maiden was Kayleigh
who flirted with journalists daily.
Though truth she desired
she knew she'd be fired
unless she went  Barnum & Bailey.


Florida clerk has weddings in a parking lot
 drive-through
@lori_rozsa

Drive-thru weddings are the best;
 there's no cake or wedding guest.
Say "I do" and raise a glass,
then hit the road till out of gas.
Marriage in a parking lot
leads to many an afterthought . . . 


Video of North Korea’s Kim opening fertilizer
 factory quashes rumors
@simondenyer

Our dear leader will not cease
working for respect and peace.
And he is forever young,
spreading goodwill and much dung.
He will fertilize mankind
with an open and high mind.
Rumors of his death are fibs
fit for babies in their cribs!

Photo essay: Postcards from my Kids. "I guess this would be a bad time to ask for $700.00, huh?"

Poor Madel is having car trouble in the wilds of North Dakota. She's now a single mother, struggling to keep a job and keep a car going in the dead of winter. She asks me for 700 dollars to get her car repaired. I think I sent her 20. 
When I was courting Amy I grandly told her we could live without a car. She merely batted her eyelashes at me and whispered sweet nothings in my ear, while we played 'padunk and padiddle' along Highway Two in her mother's car. And if you've never played that particular kissing game, I feel sorry for you!
Of course Amy had no intention of diving into married life as a pedestrian, so she arranged for her parents to 'give' us their blue Ford station wagon as a wedding gift. Suddenly I was in hock to them for 3000 bucks. But I simply grinned and paid them off in monthly installments. A lover and his money are quickly parted.
I guess it's unrealistic to think of raising a family in America without a car. But car payments and repair bills, not to mention gas and oil, kept us broke  -- I'm not exaggerating when I say probably a fifth of my monthly income was paid out for car related issues. 
I hated that. We had a series of old clunkers that ran fitfully and sullenly for several months and then would give up the ghost just when we had a family vacation planned or I needed to drive to an important circus gig 500 miles away.
I have not owned or driven a car in over a dozen years. (We won't go into the fact that I had my driver's license revoked a dozen years ago for back child support -- I wonder if they still do that nowadays? It was pretty draconian, lemme tell ya.) And I don't miss car ownership at all. (Says the man who mooches rides shamelessly from his kids and neighbors.)
When it comes to private transportation, such as cars and trucks, I am a dyed in the wool anarchist. My sincere hope is that Ford and GM and all those other momsers will go extinct during the pandemic, and private transportation will become not only onerous in the extreme, but criminal as well. I long for the day when we all can take public transportation to wherever we need to go, or get cheap Uber rides. Which means, I guess, I am ripe for the Laughing Academy. 

Join us in this great endeavor

"We invite all of God’s children throughout the world to join us in this great endeavor."

Dieter F. Uchtdorf 

You're invited to the spread

of the Lord, to break some bread

and keep music in the air --

no need to play solitaire!

Come just as you are with cheer,

to be a merry pioneer.

We promise you a role unique

of which the angels loud will speak!

Verses from newspaper stories by @PatriciaMazzei @thomasfullerNYT @KendraWrites @henryfountain @Fahrenthold and @greene

Frustrated by Crowds, Coastal States Weigh What to Do About Beaches

I wanna go down to the beach today/and let the rip tide carry troubles away/I wanna get sand in my shoes and bask/without wearing any ol' medical mask/And though I'll catch something there sooner or later/I'll have a suntan in my own ventilator!



A Satellite Lets Scientists See Antarctica’s Melting Like Never Before

There used to be a continent down at the cold South Pole/But lately it has melted, leaving nothing but a hole/The penguins now are homeless and the seals just drift about/The krill have bought a condo and the skua all have gout/Man has caused this quandary and I wouldn't blame the whales/that used to hang around there if they slapped us with their tails.



Secret Service paid Trump’s D.C. hotel more than $33,000 for lodging to guard treasury secretary

When it comes to lavish moochin'/no one beats ol' Steve Mnuchin/Livin' in a hotel suite/without regard to balance sheet/Who foots the bill he doesn't care/as he coifs back his slick black hair.



Amazon sales soar as coronavirus-worried consumers shop from home, but costs rise

I don't like shopping at the store/the masks and gloves are such a bore/the lines are long and tempers thin/it gets right under my pink skin/I'm only shopping online now/I think I'll order me a dhow.

Photo Essay: Postcards from my Kids. "Man this week is sweet."

I only had two of my kids go on missions; Adam and Daisy. Adam seems really stoked in his postcard to me. He's baptizing a family of five -- and if you know anything at all about the Church you know that they want to bring in families by the carload, although they're happy enough to accept singles. But let's be honest (not Christian necessarily, but honest nevertheless), single Church members, old and young, take a lot more of the time and resources of the Church than does a stable family. Before my mission and before I got married, I was running off to my bishop or branch president all the time with one thing or another. I thought of my home teachers as kibbitzers, nothing more. After my divorce, when I was single again, I was huddled with my bishop all the time -- sometimes by my request, but mostly by his request. I discovered that a divorced man is often treated like a pariah in Church social circles, and is still discriminated against for certain Church callings. Does that bother me? Not anymore: Zen, baby, I practice Zen. It's all cool beans . . . 

Photo Essay: Postcards to my President. Vol. 22

Verses from Today's Headlines. Minnesota. Unemployment. Trump. China. English Barristers.

Trump Officials Are Said to Press Spies to Link Virus and Wuhan Labs     NYT

What a giddy life have I/as a sneaky shifty spy/I make up all sorts of lies/for those White House Admin guys/If they want some China dirt/I will serve it for dessert!

Trump and Kushner Engage in Revisionist History in Boasting of Success Over Virus      NYT

Presidents and sycophants/remember not like elephants/They make their alibis so tight/that history and truth take flight/When they tweet and when they text/all their information's hexed.

How the pandemic consumed the labor market

Wapo

What job is safe from depredation/as we suffer as a nation/Blue or white, all collars fail/escaping from the pink slip tale/The only work that never lacks/is raising people's income tax.

In fast-warming Minnesota, scientists are trying to plant the forests of the future

WaPo

They're planting palm trees in St. Cloud/Duluth has a big suntan crowd/Pineapples now sprout/where once there swam trout/and ice fishing is disallowed!

Prodded by the coronavirus, thousands are making or updating their estate arrangements, but an archaic British law requiring two witnesses in person is forcing people to take drastic measures.  
NYT

Barristers must earn their fees/even with a dread disease/snatching clients right and left/They're becoming very deft/getting signatures despite/bars and walls and dogs that bite!

Continuous Revelation

"Continuous revelation has been received and is being received through channels the Lord has established."

Quentin L. Cook

1. Mortality's a guessing game,
2. or so say many folk.
3. But they don't know the half of it;
4. their knowledge is a joke.
5. Those who take the time to pray
6. and study scriptures pure,
7. have found that revelation comes
8. to mankind sweet and sure.
9. A prophet has the Lord raised up
10. today to joyful lead
11. those who listen to his voice
12. to happiness sans creed.
13. Remove those cynic blinders, friend,
14. and know that surety
15. is available to all
16. with real security!