Asked & Answered. Sunday. May 28. 2023.

 

NAME THREE PET PEEVES.

1. old people and their health stories. doctor visits. organs missing. disgusting symptoms.  i can offer mechanical words of sympathy, but that's as far as i go.

2.  soggy hors d'oeuvres.  don't put good stuff on crackers and then leave it to go soggy.  it's got to be crisp and tangy, or crisp and sweet & sour, or crisp and spicy. otherwise it's just mush.  why more people don't throw soggy canapes on the wall at parties i'll never know . . . 

3.  brown shoes.  a lot of people wear brown shoes out here in Provo.  mostly church members.  to me, brown shoes suggest an indecisive character and ineffective thinker. i would never seek financial advice or discuss philosophy with someone wearing brown shoes.  or Hush Puppies.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SKILLS OR TALENTS THAT MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT?

Certainly.  I can wiggle my ears.  I can sneak up on cats.  I can predict the weather, world-wide (It's always raining somewhere . . . )

HOW DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO REMEMBER YOU?

As someone who would rather nap than tell a lie.  as a good cook with bad recipes.  as a poor man with a rich inner life.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO TODAY?

kiss my wife Amy on the nape of her neck and smell the goat's milk yogurt in her hair.  develop a healthy appetite before i eat dinner.  nap so deeply that i start to dream.

WHAT PUBLICATIONS DO YOU REGULARLY READ?

i read the new yorker cartoons online -- they're free.  i glance at the new york times headlines for ideas for topical poems.  i read the general conference talks for ideas for my religious poems.  i keep trying to read old bestsellers like 'the agony and the ecstasy' but about a hundred pages in i always lose interest because the writing seems gimmicky.  the last book i really enjoyed reading was probably a terry prather 'flat world' fantasy.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU SEE YOUR FRIENDS?

not very often. sadly.  we live in such a small apartment that having more than one person over at a time is a challenge. besides, if a friend comes over i want to cook for them and they never seem to want to eat anything.  of course, if they want to treat me to a meal that's different.  but i have the kind of friends that just don't do that.  so i don't really see them much. and most live far away.  and want to tell me their health stories.  like i said, health stories give me a heavy feeling -- like after eating a chunk of cement.

WHAT WOULD BE YOUR PERSONAL MOTTO?

a haiku:

eat air fried chicken

whenever you feel the need

to give me advice