Headlines & Verse. Thursday. July 13. 2017

BERNIE SANDERS SAYS HE'LL TRY HIS LUCK AGAIN IN 2020.  

In old men there often is hope

That they still will have enough rope

To hog tie and brand

Some stratagem grand --

Most often tis but a vain grope.

CONGRESSIONAL REPUBLICANS MAKE HOLES, NOT LAWS

Republicans like to say ‘nay.’

It makes them feel happy all day.

Positive action

Is just an abstraction --

If they can’t destroy, they delay.

YOUR FRESH PRODUCE MAY BE ORGANIC, BUT IT IS PROBABLY BEING WATERED WITH DILUTED SEWAGE.

My radishes come from Brazil.

From Mexico grapes make their way.

My salad has lettuce and scallions

Produced down in old Paraguay.

I also enjoy figs and dates

That hail from Sahara extremes.

Organic and non-GMO,

It’s healthy and wholesome, meseems.

But now, if I understand right,

Wastewater is used for these crops.

So no more fresh produce for me --

I might as well glut on porkchops

THIS JUST IN: MORMONS HAVE LOTS OF KIDS!

A Mormon who’s single inspires

The fear of eternal hell fires.

The LDS creed

Demands planting seed,

Before any singing in choirs.

What I Saw at the Circus. Mail Art. Part One.

by Judy Skolnick

The Provo Museum of Mail Art has received several excellent postal artworks on the theme: "What I Saw at the Circus."
This mail art project is open for submissions until the end of December, 2017. So you've got plenty of time to mail your submissions in. You will find the full Mail Art Call information for this exhibit at the bottom of this blog.
All submissions will be available for viewing free of charge at the Museum by the end of August, after the Museum space has been renovated.

Let's start with the digital mail art submissions:

                                 by Demetrios Coutarelli. Entitled "The Crowded Tent."

by Andre Pace. Entitled "Acrobat Snacks"

by Sabela Bana. Untitled.

by Gary A. Bibb. Entitled: "Boney's Dog and Pony Show"

The following were received via snailmail:

by Horst Tress. Entitled: Balancing Act

by Pedro Bericat. Entitled: "Caballos Entrenados"

by Francine Fox. Untitled.

MAIL ART CALL.

Project title:  “What I Saw at the Circus”

Work in all mediums accepted.

Deadline:  December 29, 2017

There is no entry fee

All submissions become the property of the Provo Museum of Mail Art

All submissions will be on display at the Provo Museum of Mail Art for

approximately eight weeks after being received.

Please send electronic submissions to torkythai911@gmail.com

Please mail submissions to:

The Provo Museum of Mail Art

℅ Tim Torkildson

PCHA Bldg

650 West 100 North  #115

Provo Utah 84601  USA

Headlines & Verse. Wednesday. July 12. 2017

NOTED POET REVEALS THAT MODERN POETRY IS HARD TO READ, IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND! 

There was a young poet sublime

Who wrote cryptic verse all the time.

It was so unclear

That he did appear

To relish the death of good rhyme.

AMERICA REMOVES 'WELCOME' MAT AS TRUMP'S TRAVEL BAN REGAINS MOMENTUM

A refugee straight from Sudan

Was told “You can’t enter here, man!”

His travel plans foiled,

He went back and toiled

For slave wages and toasted bran.

GIGANTIC ICEBERG LEAVES ANTARCTICA, AWAITING TRYOUTS FOR 'TITANIC 2'

An iceberg is water congealed,

Keeping its mass well concealed.

When ships come in sight

It might take a bit --

A rigid and frosty minefield!

DID A JAPANESE WIDOW USE POISON ON HER LAST 3 HUSBANDS? JURY FINDS IT HARD TO SWALLOW

You do not get old in Japan --

If you’re a wealthy old man.

Your nurturing bride

Will use cyanide

To ease you out of your lifespan

Photo Essay: Noah and Katrina

These are Noah and Katrina, my son Adam's kids. He and his wife Adrienne will not be having any more children. It's their decision, and it's my loss.

I asked them to hold hands; this is what they did

At the Provo Bakery, getting a box of donuts. I had half an apple fritter. I'm off my feed today.

A donut in the mouth is worth two in the hand

Noah leans against a cast iron fence at Pioneer Park, with his Aunt Virginia and cousins Cici and Ohen. The guy in blue sitting down is a stranger -- he ignored my entire photo shoot. Never looked up once.

When Katrina showed me this stick/leaf configuration I said "Oh, it's a pretty ballerina!" She replied "Shut up -- it's an umbrella." 

How did Katrina get so freckled? She certainly didn't get it from the Torkildson side of the family

I'm glad to see this batch of cousins can make nice -- I couldn't stand my cousins when I was a kid

Photo Essay: Haircut

Text by Tim Torkildson. Photography by Noah Torkildson

It's been time to get a haircut for over a month now. I don't like to comb the stuff and it suffocates the top of my head during the boiling summer months here in Provo. So when Sarah brought the grand kids over for donuts and park play this morning, I prevailed upon her to strip down the old noggin. The deed was done out on my patio. In the broiling sun . . . 

You can see how long and unruly it was getting

When Sarah focuses on something, she FOCUSES  

Ah, these domestic scenes are so unaffected . . . 

I'm not ashamed of my rolls of fat -- like Falstaff, I worked hard to get 'em

Explaining something important to my photographer Noah

It has been said my face would not only stop a clock -- it would stop a sundial 

The hand that holds the clippers rules the world

This is either my head or a mo qua -- it's hard to tell which

And . . . I'm done! It took Sarah only 12 minutes to cut my hair

The Dragonfly

Photo by Sarah Read

The dragonfly is awful fun

To watch go winging in the sun.

But if you are at all smallfry --

Beware the hungry dragonfly!

It’s bulging eyes your speed will gauge,

It’s appetite to ass-u-age.

I’m glad my clumsy height defies

The hunger of the dragonflies!

Headlines & Verse. Tuesday. July 11. 2017

FBI BUILDING SO OVERCROWDED THAT THE ONLY CONFERENCE ROOM LEFT IS A BROOM CLOSET 

In Washington there is no space

For FBI workers to pace --

Their building’s so wee

It won’t hold a flea --

For handcuffs they must use shoelace.

SHOCKING NEWS: PENTAGON IS ALL ABOUT WAR, NOT PEACE 

The Pentagon doesn’t know peace

From any old spot of cold grease.

Their only concern

Is helping Mars churn

Battles and blood without cease.

LA SCHOOL BOARD MEMBERS MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU -- AND ARE STILL LABELED 'UNDERPAID'

If you would make money apace,

Then get in the next school board race.

Their salary cap

Keeps rising like sap --

Why not, when you’ve got a tax base?

Headlines & Verse. Monday. July 10. 2017

THIS DEEP SOUTH UNIVERSITY IS ON THE SKIDS -- IS IT A COLLEGIATE ENRON? 

The faculty down at Mizzou

Is being let go by the slew.

The students decamped,

Which made money cramped --

The place is o’ergrown with fescue . . .

RUSSIA OFFERS ONE-STOP SERVICE FOR ALL OF WASHINGTON'S NEEDS -- INCLUDING CHARACTER ASSASSINATION, HACKING, AND BLACKMAIL

Russians are the go-to guys, whatever you may need --

From blackmail to some poison gas to hacking with great speed.

Finding dirt on Hillary or arming bumbershoots,

The Russians are reliable when you are in cahoots!

Their fee is always moderate, as long as you pay cash --

And never tell opponents they are looking through their trash.

THE LION'S SHARE OF HEALTHCARE COSTS WILL CONTINUE TO ESCALATE AT AN ALARMING RATE , AS CONGRESS CONTINUES TO DITHER.

I haven’t had healthcare in years.

I’d rather keep buying craft beers.

The more that I drink

The less I need think

Of outliving all of my peers.

ARE BANKS CUSTOMER FRIENDLY? (DO PIGS HAVE WINGS?)

You cannot sue a bank,

No matter how you try.

You might as well give wings

To pigs and let them fly.

The government protects

All bankers, great and small.

That’s why they grin that grin,

And have tremendous gall.

If you have been coldcocked

By any sort of bank,

You might as well go home

And look at your fishtank.

Some day I hope the banks

Will sink into the sea --

And never come ashore

To charge an int’rest fee.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BIG PHARMA AND A BANK ROBBER? BANK ROBBERS GET CAUGHT.

Big Pharma is calling the shots --

And tying our Congress in knots.

When they sell a pill,

Look out for the bill --

The only thing that ain’t ersatz.