Headlines & Verse. Saturday. July 22. 2017

PET SITTING IS BIG BUSINESS IN NEW YORK. BUT GETTING LICENSED IS A PAIN IN THE DONKEY.

I think that it’s very naive

To think that my pet I could leave.

When taking a trip

I never would skip

Bringing along my pet peeve.

FAREWELL, MR. SPICER, FAREWELL

Farewell, Mr. Spicer, farewell;

You’re through giving journalists hell.

No more will you hector

The media sector --

Scaramucci has broken your spell!

AS A BANKING INSTITUTION, THE NFL PLAYS LOUSY FOOTBALL

The NFL likes to pull rank,

Pretending that they are a bank.

Usurping their perks

Will bring fireworks --

So stadiums must walk the plank.

Ohen's Krumkaka

The Torkildson family has passed down their secret krumkake recipe from generation to generation. Residents of Utah County now have the chance to sample this toothsome delicacy at the Provo High School on Saturday, July 22nd. 
Ohen Read, a grandson of that master krumkake fabricator Tim Torkildson, will be selling his wares from 10:30 until Noon. These are made from scratch and handmade to boot. Filled with whipped cream.

These little goodies will go fast -- so get there early, and stock up on them. They make excellent gifts for those tired of giving chocolates to their sweethearts. 
It's ethnic. It's authentic. And it's for a good cause -- teaching kids that hard work still leads to good money here in the good ol' USA! 
So come out and support the Provo Children's Entrepreneur Market.

The New York Times Mail Art Project. Part Three.

My indoor workshop for collage, where I also eat cherries

When the mail art mania becomes truly ungovernable, and I need a quick fix, I use collage. It's fast, less messy than paint, and answers some despicable primal need I have to cut up books and magazines. The reporters I have been sending these mail art pieces to have, for the most part, remained commendably silent about the whole thing. I notify them by email and Twitter. Then I drop their mail art pieces into the nearest mail box.

I also confess that in Part Two of this series I created a faux journalist -- Rob Reed, of the so-called Island Ink newspaper in Hawaii. There is such a person as Rob Reed, an old friend and LDS missionary colleague -- but he is a computer programmer, not a reporter. 

To reiterate the purpose of this Mail Art Project -- to explore the connection between media and mail art -- and to explore the impact of sending participants their mail art via the Internet before they get it in the mail. 

I send an Email

My brain has been gurgling all day as I try to decide how much work to do. I’ve written 2 very boring pieces for Adam about the “Internet of Things,” a concept I still don’t understand. But he pays me, so I do it. I’m trying to get enough money saved up to go to the dentist next week before Amy gets here so I can be in tip top form when she arrives and spend plenty of time w/her. The dilemma is that I have one more thousand-word piece to do for Adam, and then I’m done and can wile away the hours just as I please. I just had a bowl of soup and some hard boiled eggs for dinner, and I found a good movie on YouTube with Betty Hutton called Somebody Loves Me, which features the kind of old-timey music I enjoy -- so should I just veg out and watch it or should I pull  myself together and finish the last article for Adam and make that last bit of money? Finishing a big writing assignment always gives me a lift, more than most things. But I’m afraid I’m going to lose my focus before I finish it -- that I’ll get a headache and start to get drowsy and maybe make a big mistake on it, like I’ve done in the past. Once I thought I had written an original article for Adam, but when I finally reviewed it I saw that I had copied a bunch of stuff from another blog to rewrite and then forgot to rewrite it!

And I’m still hungry -- that soup didn’t really satisfy me. I want a big juicy hamburger and some greasy fries with lots of ketchup -- but if I go out to get it I’ll regret it all night. So that’s why my brain is gurgling right now.

gurglegurglegurglegurglegurgleBettyHuttongurglegurglegurglegurglefinishthedamnpieceforAdamgurglegurglegurglegurglegurglegogetahamburgeryoujerkgurglegurglegurglegurglemyeyesaretiredgurglegurgle

gurgle

Headlines & Verse. Thursday. July 20. 2017

URUGUAY LEGALIZES MARIJUANA -- FARMACIAS DO LAND OFFICE BUSINESS.

When strolling La Rambla today

Don’t let the strong fumes make you sway.

You’ll just have to cope

With all the strong dope

while citizens all shout 'Ole!'

CALVIN TRILLIN WRITES AMAZING BOOKS -- BUT HE NEVER ANSWERED MY FAN LETTER

I once wrote a note to Cal Trillin --

He never wrote back, which is chillin’

I think writers ought

To be better taught

With readers who find their books thrillin’

CHINA IS BEING VERY 'HELPFUL' TO ITS NEIGHBORS -- BUT THEY'D BETTER REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO TIBET . . .

A dragon may do a good deed

With competence and fateful speed.

But trusting the wile

Of such a reptile

Will just make it eager to feed.

PLASTIC BAGS OUTNUMBER PEOPLE -- THEY'LL BE BLOWING INTO TREES LONG AFTER MANKIND IS GONE

If you would live longer than long

Then plastics should be your theme song --

Despite time’s sharp blades

It never degrades --

So eat it like sweet scuppernong.

Poland

                                            (Suggested from articles by Rick Lyman)

Kościuszko’s turning in his grave, as Poland stoops beneath

The ancient and hardfought assets of Freedom’s verdant wreath.

The Law and Justice Party thinks Democracy is fine --

But only if it bows its head and learns to toe the line.

They have the Parliament inside their pockets, free and clear --

Now the courts they want to tame, to be their auctioneer.

Can Poles throw off the shackles that these martinets demand,

Or will they sink to bossy depths -- caressed by tyrant’s hand?

The lights went out in Europe long ago, then struggled back --

And now they’re going out again, pressed down by rude attack.

Where now the Light of Liberty that came from Uncle Sam,

That freed indentured nations from their excruciating sham?  

Its flicker is but feeble, as stock jobbers take control

Of White House and of Congress, and the nation’s very soul.

The New York Times Mail Art Project. Part Two.

My patio workshop. Looks like a meth lab.

My mail art project is now in its second day, and already I'm becoming obsessed with it. Mail art started out as a way for artists to send each other their work for enjoyment and constructive criticism. But I'm sending my mail art to writers who didn't request it and probably have no interest in it. Plus, I am mass producing my mail art -- doing three or four at a time. You'll get a whiff of the assembly line as you look at the following. Can there be such a thing as assembly line mail art? When does art cease to be art and become schlock? A means to an end, instead of it's own justification? This troubles me, but as I say -- I've become obsessed with it. Can there be any art if there is no obsession?

Donald Trump in One Hundred Years

Trump as a Novel: An Implausible ‘Soap Opera Without the Sex and Fun’  

Nate Bartling

My Mate Nate YouTube gets in trouble w/Thai police for putting a coin on a railroad track

There once was a fellow named Nate

Who suffered a terrible fate.

He put a coin smack

On the railroad track --

The cops want him as an inmate.

***********************************************************************************

Nathan Bartling replied to my limerick on FB as follows: There is enough negativity in this world. We dont need more of it here in this group. 

 Of all the places that I get criticised for my videos, the last place need it from is church members. Thats supposed to be the one place we should all be able to go and feel safe.

And RM Jordan Smith had this to say to me on FB, too:  Tim, I don't see the point of posting this here either. Nate has done great things for the Lord, TBM RMs, and the Thai people. It's sad to see you're willing to take a moment and dirty the great brotherhood that exists among TBM RMs

Sumittra Harichai also seconded Jordan Smith on FB, writing:   I agree with you:) We are not perfect. We love you!Nathan Bartling

Monica None Painter blasted me as well, with an added threat:  Timothy I think I speak for many when I say this post isn't really appreciated and we would like it taken down. Nathan Bartling is our friend and someone we care about and this group isn't the audience you are looking for for a post like this. Thank you.

Kong -la D Ratanawan made this sage observation on FB:   Drama's farang is going on here.

And finally, Bruce L. Herr Jr awards me the ultimate social media accolade:  I agree with the above posts, this is not the place for an internet troll to be posting this kind of garbage. Don't know Nate personally, but I have appreciated much of what he has posted and I assume he continues to be a positive voice for the church in Thailand.

Only one returned missionary from Thailand thought my original limerick was any good -- and he asked me not to use his name when he sent me this comment on pm FB:  Nate Bartling is lucky he is not in jail yet. He is damaging the name of his church by being obnoxious on YouTube for the purposes of making money. He has done several videos that are offensive to Thai sensibilities, but he doesn't seem to care about that.

Let me amend that: I just got a FB pm from another old missionary companion, who wrote me -- "thought you would like the post about RM idiot "My Mate Nate"... from a very well educated Thai member in Bangkok you may know... look up "janjira sirisarn" post...I have first hand reports on how his actions have made missionary work difficult..."

Quite frankly, I think I should charge Brother Bartling for all the PR I am providing him with! 

Due to this tremendous and overwhelming response to a simple limerick that was meant in jest but obviously taken in deadly earnest, I hereby submit a new limerick commemorating Brother Bartling's railroad adventure in Thailand:

let's all put our coins on the track

and never fear getting some flack.

it's just simple fun --

there's no need to shun

such people -- let's give them a plaque!

Problematic Journeys

Problematic journeys are the order of the day

When a saint expects to follow what the Lord will say.

Lehi left Jerusalem for promised blessings, though

His journey was meandering and some would say quite slow.

Twice he sent his sons back, for brass plates and bridal mates.

This tried Sariah’s patience as she worried of their fates.

And so it is today with all who follow Lehi’s bent --

We travel in a wilderness, sans gold but with a tent.

Help me, O great Jehovah, so thy trail I do not quit

When I see nothing up ahead but testing and sharp grit!