A list of books
A list of books
Who wants power
or good looks
Just give me pages
as my wages
My catalog includes
these lovely dames and dudes:
P.G. Wodehouse, what a guy!
His humor is still spry.
Patrick O'Brien --
there's no use in tryin'
to overpraise his stuff
Not when the seas are rough.
That Amy Tan,
she is my man
Domestic tales
so comprehensive
I buy her books
(though too expensive)
I could go on
and make you yawn.
Sufficient to say
books make my day.
I'm a fuddy-duddy and I bet you are one too/burning up my email with my ancient point of view/Writing letters as a youth with postage ever rising/sending emails all for free was very appetizing/Now I learn I'm nothing but a relic of the past/and email is outdated as the work of Thomas Nast.
The Japanese Beetles are Back.
(NYT)
Popillia japonica are back again this year/filling green thumb toilers with anxiety and fear/A highly mobile insect are these beetle herbivores/spoiling blooms and produce as it chews and sucks and bores/Action must be taken that's effective and more drastic/otherwise we're dealing with our roses being plastic!
Iceland tested a 4-day workweek. Employees were productive — and happier, researchers say.
(WaPo)
I suggest a work week that begins on Friday eve/and ends first thing on Saturday, and nobody will grieve/I practiced this for thirty years; results were gratifying/Of course we didn't eat much and my wife was always crying . . .
The season of the yard sale is upon us once again/you can get a deck chair or a leaky fountain pen/ante up your dollars for a bargain that will grace/your home forever after and your living room debase!
Americans have always been/full of patriotic sin/Domestic terrorists persist/in using an explosive fist/Guns and bombs are how they show/their jingoistic lumbago/Protect us, Lord, from partisans extreme/as they attack the American dream.
U.S. athletes who protest their country’s flag are playing right into China’s hands.
(WaPo)
Old Glory stands for something rare/But athletes do not seem to care/They turn their back upon its face/and thus its ideals do disgrace/When Beijing sees this foofaraw/they cannot help but shout 'Hoorah!/If one of them scorned their own flag/they'd wind up in a body bag!
TV news crews are increasingly threatened with violence on the job.
(WaPo)
Reporters on the TV news/are tough but do not like a bruise/They've learned it's best to cut and run/when someone has to wave a gun/to show their disappointment in/reporters and their next of kin/I guess now ev'ry boob tube bard/will have to use a bodyguard!
Octopuses and squid are full of cephalopod character. But more scientists are making the case that cuttlefish hold the key to unlocking evolutionary secrets about intelligence.
(NYT)
The cuttlefish is quite astute/though it looks like a parachute/The scientists say it has brains/But still I think the fact remains/I'd rather eat one on a plate/than let it go and cogitate.
Now they're going door to door/on their knees they do implore/everyone to get a shot/You will heed them, will you not?/Or do you expect to last/till Gabriel blows final blast?/Foolish mortal, don't you know/Mother Nature's a yobbo?
North America Has Its Hottest June on Record.
(NYT)
The month of June/now makes us swoon/The heat's intense/it makes no sense/No one survives/with decent lives/when climate change/becomes this strange.
Good news: The weddings are back on! Bad news: You have to go to all of them.
(WaPo)
I never go to weddings/I find them declasse/The seating is confusing/just like bad macrame/The ministers all mumble/the food is catered blight/If people want to marry/they should elope at night!
Lord, the scorching heat these days/reminds me I must mend my ways/lest the flames of keen regret/burn me like a cigarette/Help me better thoughts to breed/and call on Thee in all my need!
Asimov nor H.G. Wells/ever thought of hacking hells/where the ransomware now roams/wrecking bizness, banks, and homes/Even Mr. Verne would state/our future's in an awful state!
How Bad Are U.S. Wildfires? Even Hawaii Is Battling a Surge. (NYT)
When the beaches catch on fire/thinking people must inquire/how much further must we go/before the greenhouse gases blow/all of us to kingdom come/and Earth becomes mere bubble gum.
Surging global food prices put staple meals out of reach, from Nigerian jollof rice to Russian pasta and Argentine steak.
(WaPo)
Gluttons of the world unite!/Let's defend our appetite/for the things we love to eat/driving grocers to defeat/Steak and pudding; rice and beans/and give us no cost parsley greens/Else our wrath you'll soon find out/as we skin you like a trout!
Nothing makes my heart to quicken/faster than some frozen chicken/full of microbes standing by/my poor bowels to liquefy/I'd be better off, I'm sure/as a vegan epicure!
Lobsters’ feelings loom large as British Parliament debates animal welfare bill.
(WaPo)
Animals have feelings, too/in the wild or at the zoo/Ocean lobsters become roiled/when they're captured and then boiled/And a pig's heart may be breakin'/when we turn it into bacon/So stay your hand and do not squeeze/honey from the tender bees/Cruelty to skunks prevent/except those now in Parliament!
What to know about Rise of the Moors, an armed group that says it’s not subject to U.S. law.
(WaPo)
Many a stout nincompoop/joins with an extremist group/Apparently they find such dreck/stiffens up their scrawny neck/Lacking in much self esteem/together they're a lawless team/Civics lessons never took/with these cousins of a crook.
***********************
Constantly my wanton heart/sorrow wants to seek and start/God of Heaven, please accept/my attempts to be adept/at the strait and narrow way/that alone gives joy today!
We had to back up a
dumpster to the old college
hall, where Professor Eolith
had his office for nearly
thirty years.
A bachelor, he had no
immediate family.
He was gone now.
To the Marmalade Islands.
To study mermaids
in his retirement.
The dean of his college
asked me, as head of Scholastic
Security,
to clean out the office quickly,
so the new faculty member,
who was to teach Cyber Literature,
could move his stuff in
by the Fourth of July.
Like I said,
we needed a dumpster.
First there were all the books.
I don't like tossing books away.
Never have.
Eolith had told the dean
to dispose of them any which
way he pleased.
Because mermaids
he said
are illiterate.
I asked around,
who would want them,
and nobody did.
You can't even give away books
anymore.
Damn Kindle.
So I talked to Joe
down at Habitat for Humanity;
he took 'em all to build housing
for the poor and oppressed.
Apparently books make good bricks.
So that was one hurdle completed.
But the papers and manuscripts
and maps and quills and ferules and photographs
and sextants and mimeograph machines
and overheard projectors --
not to mention a huge desk made out
of black ironwood and bookshelves
carved out of polished isinglass.
There was all that to dispose of.
Plus a large bin of typewriter parts.
With time pressing, I told the guys
to toss it all out the window
into the dumpster.
It would have made such a wonderful
yard sale, or they could have set up
some kind of small museum with all
that stuff.
But no -- the dean said
out with the old
and in with the new.
When the last book shelf
had been broken down and
thrown out the window
we discovered it hid
a wall safe.
Eolith had said nothing about that.
No one knew the combination.
Naturally.
And no one had any idea
what was in it.
So I phoned the dean to
ask if we should get a
locksmith in to open it.
"How long would that take?"
he asked.
"Coupla days, at least"
I told him.
"Then no" he replied.
"Just paint it over.
But before we could start painting . . .
the dean was forced to retire.
Something about spider tack
on Wiffle balls.
When the new dean learned
about the old wall safe
he said "Open it!"
So we got the locksmith
in. He did some drilling
and said we could open it
anytime now we pleased.
The new dean
and most of the faculty
showed up for the opening.
The local TV station was there.
The dean let me be the one
to open the safe door.
That new dean was a nice guy.
Well, when I slid the steel
door back there was only a brown
metal canister, or capped cylinder
you might call it.
Stenciled on it was one word:
'Peanuts.'
I silently handed it to the dean.
I figured he should have the honor
of opening it.
When he did
several cloth covered springs,
painted like snakes,
jumped up into his face.
His widow has since
moved to the Marmalade Islands
to track down Professor Eolith.
One hundred years ago today/the Reds in China came to stay/The peasants shouted out 'Hooray!"/Then Mao began a lot to slay/He purged 'em good, I've got to say/to make 'em love the Party's way/Congrats to Xi and all the rest/(though Hong Kong may not think it's blessed.)
Surprise medical bills happen when a doctor or other provider who isn’t in a patient’s insurance network is unexpectedly involved in a patient’s care. Patients may go to a hospital that accepts their insurance, for example, but get treatment from emergency room physicians or anesthesiologists who don’t — and who then send patients big bills directly.
(NYT)
I think that I shall never see/a bill as sizable as thee/Oh hospital, oh doctors dear/I cannot pay this bill I fear/So come and break my knee caps quick/before again I may take sick.
Lawn care is going electric. And the revolution is here to stay.
(WaPo)
Sputtering old hunk of junk/putting my yard in a funk/power mower, get thee hence/I'll toss you over nearest fence/Now my grass is silent mowed/tho my 'lectric bill's a load.
