Monday, October 5, 2020

Timerick: "Trump Remains Hospitalized as Doctors Give Mixed Signals on Health." (WSJ)

 




Doctors are not diplomats/and temporizing drives them bats/They do not like reporter's pokes/Their dander doubtless it provokes/And they are not too organized/and can't agree who's authorized/Each one a god in his own sphere/suspicious of competing peer/No wonder that their prim reports/are no more clear than smoky quartz/There's only three things they can say/that would make sense in any way/Trump is better, Trump is worse/or stays the same; no need for hearse/And just a sidebar to this strife/why don't we hear about his wife?

Sunday, October 4, 2020

Coronavirus Surge in Mail Voting Most Likely to Lead to More Rejected Ballots. (WSJ)

 




I mailed my ballot in last week;

my postman then began to shriek.

He told me there was postage due

and all my stamps were missing glue.

The envelop was inside out

and went by way of young cub scout.

I used red ink instead of black;

my signature looked like a yak.

I doodled on the ballot, which

gave the judges all a twitch.

I used a check mark, not an X,

making counters nervous wrecks.

They said my address was not right;

I must be higher than a kite.

Neglecting all my p's and q's

was not a justified excuse.

So up the river I was sent

for choosing the next President!



****************************

And from the Peanut Gallery at the Wall Street Journal comes this response from a subscriber who gives his or her name only as 'Grouchen B.'   

"Tim, if you think you're being funny or clever, trust me, you fail on both accounts.  This is a serious issue, and as someone who will be voting by mail/absentee, I understand why many are confused about what goes into which envelope.  It isn't intuitive here in Minnesota.  And if my 85 year old mother were still alive, and she was smart and still sharp, but she would have needed help to figure it out."


Family

 

Henry B. Eyring.


"Much of what I know I learned from my family."
Henry B. Eyring


If you never learn from fam'ly/if you spurn their expertise/it will be just that much harder/to find any lasting peace/For God created fam'lies/to provide a child with poise/discerning who speaks wisdom/and who just produces noise. 

Healed.

 

President Russell M. Nelson


"The Savior will heal your broken heart."
President Russell M. Nelson


Our murky yesterdays recede/as from our anguish we are freed/by none but Savior, Son of God/who with omnipotence is shod/He will prevail in all our cares/as we confess ourselves his heirs.

Today's Timericks.

 




Since the Rose Garden ceremony introducing President Trump's Supreme Court pick, many people in his orbit have tested positive for coronavirus.  (WSJ)


Step into my Rose Garden, the President invites/come and see the viruses and other pretty sights/If you run a fever and your pulse begins a-slidin'/We will gladly blame it on that nasty Mr. Biden!



Early Works by Edward Hopper Found to Be Copies of Other Artists.  (NYT)


There once was an artist named Hopper

who didn't mind telling a whopper;

He suffered no weakness

about his uniqueness --

which kept him from being a pauper.



China’s mealtime appeal amid food supply worries: Don’t take more than you can eat.  (WaPo)


China and famine are very old friends/Hunger on Beijing quite often descends/Sad history teaches neither Ming nor old Mao/knew how to stop it with guns or with Tao.





This Unique Time

 

President Russell M. Nelson.



"I pray that we as a people are using this unique time to grow spiritually."

President Russell M. Nelson.


In the belly of the whale/when he didn't have to bail/Jonah changed his status quo/and to Nineveh did go/Now that life is just weekends/let us too make our amends.

Saturday, October 3, 2020

Timericks from the News Today.

 




Advertisers are mindful of the nation’s mood, offering patriotism during wartime and nostalgia during recessions. Covid-19 offers a new challenge. The nation’s biggest brands are still searching for the right tone.  (WSJ)


Advertisers push RELIEF/as the nation faces grief/Next they advertise RELEASE/encouraging a bogus peace/RECOVERY is then proclaimed/with many brands too loudly named/Lastly, they must fill the gaps/as marketers confront RELAPSE.



After the kids go to bed, the grown-ups are drinking and smoking pot to distract themselves from the hellscape that is pandemic parenting. (NYT)


Parents boozing in the night/offers an instructive sight/Nurturing is now excuse/for caregivers to cut loose/Raising kids is just too tough/without an intermittent puff.


Trump’s coronavirus quarantine could mean more time for tweeting. (WaPo)


Is it fair or is it meet/that Trump may have more time to tweet?/His button punching's now a threat/If it increases, we'll regret/creation of the Twitterverse/as something that makes life adverse.





Friday, October 2, 2020

Timericks from today's news headlines.


 




Some of the biggest raises in corporate America went to the executives in charge of U.S. shale companies, even as their shareholders lost billions of dollars.  (WSJ)


When you are a CEO/you are always in the dough/If stockholders take a bath/you are spared their awful wrath/and instead are compensated/with a bonus quite inflated/That's the life for me, yessir/with a Rolls-Royce and chauffeur!



Doctors, nurses and therapists have a prescription for helping all of us to get through these difficult times: Try a little laughter.  (NYT)


Your laugh's a vaccination/You're immune if you can titter/Viruses will recognize/that you are not a quitter/So watch a funny movie/and give out with corny joke/The world's a better place/if you will grin instead of croak.


Trump says he and first lady have tested positive for coronavirus.


A man is sick; his wife is, too/so what's an enemy to do?/Though I deplore his policies/I won't rejoice in his disease/God grant that he recuperates/But Lord, let's have no more debates!




Thursday, October 1, 2020

Another Theory About Conspiracy Theories

 



Another theory has it we are all bird droppings,

cast off by the legendary Roc

from the Arabian Nights,

which have come to life --

only the white part of the dropping

early on cheated the black part

of the dropping,

enslaving them forever.

So you've got to figure out if 

you're the pale part or the

dark part, and then act

accordingly.

But that's just so much pigeon wax,

according to the Marmalade Research Institute;

they insist that a cabal of displaced distillers

of rose water got together in the fourteenth

century to create the illusion of wealth

and breed a deep seated suspicion

of frivolity.

They succeeded so well that today

we are wealthier than anyone was

back in the fourteenth century,

and enjoy a better understanding

of frivolity.

We vote it into and out of office

on a regular basis.

But of course the Marmalade Institute

is riddled with crypto-arrivistes;

their secret agenda is to provide

wheat germ for the masses.

Me, I believe that all men are unbalanced

on an equal basis --

but that some are probably more 

balanced than others.

Like my ex brother-in-law who bought

us a chicken farm without

warning us about the feather lice.

He was loaded with that illusionary wealth.

And died just last week

because he didn't believe in wearing a mask.

He called it a conspiracy.

I call it karma.

. . . And the Roc just keeps 

pooping away.

Timericks from Today's News

 





Fat Bear Week is upon us. Here’s how to celebrate the big, glorious event.

  (WaPo)


How I feel for Mr. Bruin/on his way to fatty ruin/I, too, munch a lot these days/nuts and berries, Frito Lays//If I don't stop twill be my fate/to permanently hibernate.



Republicans are putting together what they call an army of Trump supporters to monitor election procedures.  (NYT)


Watching polls is awful neat/checking for the next big cheat/Those who feel intimidated/will be then eliminated/Scare away the damn turncoat/and leave the patriots to vote.



To Battle Covid, Airlines Bet on Disinfectants That Come With Questions.

  (WSJ)


Airlines want our vanished trade/so they spray with lots of Raid/to remove all stowaways/that could make the virus blaze/What they spray upon my seat/doesn't smell so very sweet/I'm not sure what it could be/but I suspect it's DDT.