Why America hates reporters -- Back-to-School Sale: Bulletproof vests -- America's Pig Feet Stockpile Increases

The baby wearing a “CNN Sucks!” pin pretty much summed it up.
NYT

Reporters had better beware.
We're ready to give them the air.
They only detail
the national fail -- 
and do it with way too much flair.

School administrators consider the likelihood of a shooting real enough that some districts are buying active-shooter insurance.  WSJ

Before my kids go back to class

I'll insure them 'gainst guns and gas.

I'll also invest

in bulletproof vest --

and maybe a helmet of brass.

The cost of pork overall in China has increased 10 percent since May, according to the Agriculture Ministry . . . the price of pig heads, tails and feet in the eastern province of Shandong jumped 7 percent from May to late July, due to American tariffs . . .

Washington Post

Just think of all those poor Chinese

who munched our trotters with such ease

but now because of trade war trials

can no longer show greasy smiles.

Their local swine have too much gristle,

making porkophiles all bristle.

Just think how badly you would feel

if bacon disappeared for real.

The pork barrels that Congress keeps

should go to China in great heaps

so they don't start in eating pumice
and come to take our piggies from us!    

Watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians—the American reality television show that glamorizes wealth, plastic surgery and fame—could make viewers colder towards impoverished people, according to a new study.  Newsweek.

Like, why not send the homeless off to North Dakota, dude.
Cuz hangin' round the shoppin' malls, they always seem so rude.
A beggar always kills the buzz when shopping in SoHo --
their fashion statement is all wrong, and tacky, dontcha know.
When clubbing very heavily I cannot stand the sight
of immigrants in sweatshops who are working overnight.
If poor people got face-lifts that would make things very cool,
and maybe I'd invite them to a party at my pool. 
But otherwise keep them away -- they are depressing, man;
they stand around on beaches and keep me from getting tan!