CANTO ELEVEN. JEFF SESSIONS.
On his way to Congress, Mr. Sessions took a cab.
The cabbie was an immigrant who didn’t like to gab.
So when he took a wrong turn and kept driving aimlessly,
He didn’t tell Jeff Sessions they were lost as lost could be.
Some deity decided to put Sessions fast asleep,
And made the taxi fly across the ocean vast and deep.
They came down in the country of the ukase, Tyrantland --
Where citizens are cattle and most freedoms had been banned.
When Sessions was awakened from his legendary doze
He found he was surrounded by a crowd in winter clothes.
They took him to the magistrate, who frowned at him and said:
“Give me all your money or you’ll wish that you were dead!”
Jeff Sessions didn’t like the tone the judge had in his voice,
But figured when in Rome you didn’t really have a choice.
He coughed up all his money and the magistrate decreed
That Sessions should be tossed out in the street with ample speed.
The snow was six feet deep and Jeff was dressed in lightweight stuff;
He shivered as he wished he had at least a warm earmuff.
Pedestrians ignored him -- he was jostled by a bus.
He was an outsider, and no longer ‘one of us.’
He looked in vain an embassy of Uncle Sam to find.
But talking to a stranger meant the citizens were fined --
So they walked around him, wrapping scarves around their ears.
And thus Jeff Sessions learned first hand the agony of sneers.
The law was no protection to him in his awful plight.
No lawyer wanted him around or for his claims to fight.
And do you think Jeff Sessions then repented of his own
Politics that made so many back home start to groan?
No! He was not sorry in the least for his designs
To use the law to cudgel dissidents with stern guidelines.
Instead, he stole a fur cap and a cape of velvet cloth
And ev’ry unjust mandate he accepted like warm broth.
While Congress waited patiently for Sessions to appear,
He worked the laws of Tyrantland with cruelty and fear.
So powerful did he become that finally the Boss
Of Tyrantland decided that Jeff Sessions was mere dross.
They stuck him in a rocket and shot him back unto D.C.
Where all the merry trumpsmen still insult democracy.
So when he went to Congress, he put all of ‘em in jail --
And nobody’s the wiser cuz he cut off their email.
(to be continued)
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