South Korea’s Plan to Rank Towns by Fertility Rate Backfires

From the New York Times:  SEOUL, South Korea — For years, officials in South Korea, which has one of the world’s lowest birthrates, have tried ever more inventive plans to encourage women to have babies.

On Thursday,  [the government] rolled out an online “birth map” that used shades of pink to rank towns and cities by the number of women of childbearing age. But the reaction was so overwhelmingly negative, especially among women, that the website was shut down within hours of its introduction.

A woman who came from Changwon

had no wish to be marked a pawn

with birthrate statistics

by clerks or some mystics.

So now she says: "I'll never spawn!" 

And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!

And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!

Doctrine & Covenants. Section 18:13.


Think not that any gilded shrine
or choirs with their anthems fine
can please our God as much as one
who turns from sin back to the Son!

The world dissolves from day to day,
and nothing permanent can stay;
but God remembers through the years
all those who come to him in tears. 

2016 in Rhyme Review

The year is slowly passing by us,
filled with war and Zika virus.
The Middle East remains aflame;
Aleppo stands for grief and shame.
Brazil don't want its president;
and South Korea seems hell bent
to oust another Park, alas --
she wasn't quite an honest lass.
And Volkswagen is caught red-handed;
its measurements were not quite candid.
Brexit isolates the Brits
(confirming they are awful twits).
North Korea launches rockets.
Big Pharma fills its greedy pockets.
Fake news is all the news that's fit
the reading public to outwit.
We said goodbye to David Bowie,
Judge Scalia (boy, was he showy!)
Harper Lee and purple Prince
their hair no longer wash and rinse.
Bob Dylan gets a Nobel Prize
but stays surly -- no surprise.
And, of course, the Main Event;
the Donald made his great ascent
to be the nation's leader -- oy!
The path ahead looks corduroy.
We hope the New Year brings relief,
since this year was BEYOND BELIEF!

Yes, this is real: Michigan just banned banning plastic bags

From the Washington Post: A new law in Michigan will prohibit local governments from banning, regulating or imposing fees on the use of plastic bags and other containers. You read that correctly: It’s not a ban on plastic bags — it’s a ban on banning plastic bags.  

A lawmaker in Ypsilanti

made banning of bags something anti -- 

No county or town

can bring plastic down;

ta-ta to the green vigilante!  

David Fahrenthold tells the behind-the-scenes story of his year covering Trump

I’ve been a reporter for The Washington Post since 2000, covering everything from homicide scenes in the District to Congress to the World Championship Muskrat Skinning Contest.

David Fahrenthold writing in the Washington Post



Skinning a muskrat must be
something reporters would flee.
But editors cite
their primeval right
to follow their own daft whimsy. 

To tell a lie to stop a lie . . .

 Verily, verily, I say unto you, wo be unto him that lieth to deceive because he supposeth that another lieth to deceive, for such are not exempt from the justice of God.

Doctrine & Covenants 10:28

To tell a lie to stop a lie is folly, nothing more.
Such policy all honest men should certainly abhor.
The truth can be defended without any mean deceit,
whether it is printed, spoke, or sent out as a tweet! 

Advertising’s Moral Struggle: Is Online Reach Worth the Hurt?

In the zeal to follow consumers wherever they may roam on the internet, advertisers now risk bankrolling sites that are toxic to society, whether by amplifying manufactured political stories or by spreading conspiracy theories virulent enough to drive a man to walk into a Washington pizzeria with a gun. That has inserted a new ethical cost into the automated advertising equation, which promises companies large, desired audiences at low prices with little need for human intervention.

from the New York Times

Mendacity sells lots of news;

it's quick to exploit and accuse.

When automated

it's never outdated,

and pays enough coin to excuse. 

“Large disturbance” leads police to evacuate Aurora mall; similar incidents reported at malls across the country

Aurora police evacuated the Aurora mall Monday afternoon following several fights that spilled into surrounding parking lots and mirrored scuffles occurring nearly simultaneously in malls nationwide.

from the Denver Post

A shopper found out in Aurora

that malls are like Sodom/Gomorrah;

full of much wrath,

a vicious bloodbath;

consumers as carnivora! 

Trump calls U.N. ‘just a club for people’ to ‘have a good time’

Three days after the United Nations adopted a resolution calling on Israel to halt Jewish settlement activity on Palestinian territory, President-elect Donald Trump tweeted that the international body “is just a club for people to get together, talk and have a good time.”

from the Washington Post

A country club is the U.N.

A regular rich man's playpen.

No good does it do

for me or for you;

it's nothing but impotent zen! 

Seek not for riches

 Seek not for riches but for wisdom, and behold, the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto you, and then shall you be made rich. Behold, he that hath eternal life is rich.

Doctrine & Covenants. Section 6:11


Seek not for riches in the gold the world so much desires;
but seek instead the wisdom which all godly folk inspires.
The mysteries of God are such that only saints may find
the richness of their mercy and their worth to all mankind.
Eternal life is granted not to plutocrats or kings,
unless they learn to love the Lord and all his sacred things.
Seek not for riches that decay and turn to useless dust,
but seek the insight that reveals a God that all may trust!  

Book Store Review: Pioneer Books. Provo, Utah.

You can be alone in a used book store but not feel lonely. These used car lots of literature have a welcoming smell of lignin that is like an old companion come to visit. With the winter sun streaming through the windows I feel cloistered and part of a brotherhood, because books themselves have a friendly feel about them. They don't judge you or nag you or give you HIV or sue you. I can't imagine the Afterlife as a place without books.

The Pioneer Book Store on Center Street in downtown Provo is a sturdy book bastion, generously endowed with comfortable leather chairs on both floors. If life is going to pass me by, it will happen in a used book store like this one. Where I can dip into as many volumes as I like and let the world go hang.

While never frivolous, a used book store is not wont to take itself too seriously either. The shelves tend to sag under the weight of old, well-bound books, and the different sections are indicated by hand-lettered signs on casual scraps of paper. It is a flea market for the mind, where you can find anything from a biography of Henry Ward Beecher to a straggling line of Louis L'Amour shoot-em-up western paperbacks.

A used book store is a place to sit down and start to wander. To nod off and then wake up in a dream. They are quiet and simple and clubby. The very motes that glide by in the silent sunlight are detached molecules from poems. How do you rate a magical place? How do you rate a used book store? It's either Open, or Closed.

‘Suplex’ in Chinese? Professional Wrestling Tries a Big New Market

Wrestling’s cartoon violence and sometimes salacious storylines could attract unwanted attention from the [Chinese] government. And while it has its fans, American-style wrestling-as-scripted-entertainment is largely unheard-of among mainland Chinese.

From the New York Times

Are matches between heels and faces

Something the Chinese embraces?

Perhaps he will view

If you add kung fu;

Otherwise it’ll be stasis.

Original Artwork Available for Free

Entitled 'Donald Trump's America', these original 5 by 8 hand-painted one at a time placards are being mailed out to a select group. The artist is Tim Torkildson.

If you would like one, free of charge, email me a snail mail address at  torkythai911@gmail.com   In the Subject line please put "Donald Trump's America".  First come first served.

. . . access is now the end goal of Christians in Washington.

. . . access is now the end goal of Christians in Washington.

from the Washington Post 


To sup with the devil you need
some longish utensils indeed.
The same will hold true
for those Christians who
want access to Trump and his breed. 

Other Men

Except thou do this, thou shalt be delivered up and become as other men, and have no more gift.

Doctrine & Covenants 3:11

Other men need money and other men partake
of foolish fabrications that lead to rich heartbreak.
Other men are pliant, when rigid discipline
is needed to acquire a bridle for each sin.
When gifted men and women ignore their duty plain
they are as other people -- with more remorse and pain.
The gifts of God are errant, and wander far away
if we be not heedful and let allegiance stray.  

‘Special snowflake’ is the Triscuit of insults. Banish it in 2017

A flexible language is good.
But it should be well understood
Inventing new words
That are 'for the birds'
is bitter caprice, like wormwood. 

When your supermarket or nail salon is also the neighborhood bar

Movie theaters, grocery stores, nail salons, fast-food restaurants and other businesses that haven’t typically offered alcohol are trying their hand at it, hoping to draw customers with craft beer, wine and other offerings. Two new [Califronia] state laws have made it easier for some businesses to provide liquor.

from the LA Times 

A young fellow from Santa Cruz
would shop as he guzzled some booze.
He found that a bar
at his local bazaar
did not help him pick the right shoes.

and his sword is bathed in heaven

and his sword is bathed in heaven

from the Doctrine & Covenants. Section One. 

A weapon that will cleave in twain

all that's wicked, all that's vain.

No one may withstand its blade,

whether mortal or dead shade.

Keen, remorseless; edged with doom

for fools who play at devil's groom.

Whetted in the blood of Christ,

The righteous to it are enticed.

Why it's so hard to get your hands on the Christmas toy your kid really wants

 Some toy makers purposely hold back supply in an effort to drum up attention and incite a potential sales boost once more are released post-holidays, analysts said. 

from the LA Times

A mother who lived in Long Beach
found toys for her kids out of reach;
with lines round the block
and then out of stock,
she pulled out her hair with a screech. 

Mother and Child

This night a mother suckles her newborn babe, both refugees
from tyranny and death and other agents of unease.
Tonight may ev'ry mother find the heart to persevere 
in the face of sorrow without overwhelming fear.
The Star of Bethlehem shine on the two of you always
and keep the Herod-men at bay with power from its rays.

The Way of the Lefse

Like the 'Way of the Gaucho', the 'Way of the Lefse' is a mysterious lifestyle that you have to be born into. Those who are not initiated early into its ritual are never fully able to understand and embrace it. It is not about potatoes. It is not about butter, sugar, and cinnamon. It is most definitely not about calories and weight gain.

Rather, it is a mindset that involves toiling over a broiling hot round griddle with a pine wand flattened at one end used to weave a Nordic magic redolent of burnt flour and soggy pine cones. The end result is often considered inedible by the Southern nations of the world -- places like Italy, Brazil, and Australia consider lefse a hiss and byword. It is outlawed in Tasmania; anyone caught trying to smuggle it into the country is pilloried without scruple.

The Way of the Lefse began as the only way to destroy the mid-winter potato threat in Norwegian households. Being a prudent, not to say hoarding, bunch, Norwegians begin collecting burlap sacks of raw potatoes in late autumn, and continue through the Yuletide season. By then their rustic cottages are so jammed with spuds that there is no space left to sleep. So the wily Norsk starts boiling up the potatoes in huge kettles, then mashes them with flour and butter, rolls them out, and cooks them up on a griddle. The result makes a tasty mid-winter snack, or can be used to patch the roof after a nasty syklon.  

During the process of lefse-making, it is traditional -- nay, expected -- that other foodstuffs and potent beverages will be brought out to nosh on. Pickled herring; goat cheese; flagons of aquavit -- a generous smorgasbord is spread before the lefse makers to keep up their stamina and strength. The whole process will continue late into the night -- or until the alkohol runs out.

The next day the entire household is usually paralyzed with calorie poisoning and stays in bed until the rats start gnawing on the yule log. At least, a few of the poisoned will imagine they see rats gnawing on the yule log . . .

The Way of the Lefse is only for the hardy Northern soul. All others should go read the Pickwick Papers or some other sentimental Holiday pap and drown their seasonal sorrows in treacly eggnog.

Dog poop, GPS trackers and security cameras: Cracking down on Christmas package thieves

Customers are increasingly using Amazon, EBay and other retailers to buy goods they previously purchased in stores — especially around Christmas, when UPS delivers more than 30 million packages per day in the week before the holiday.
The problem is that many of those package end up on unattended doorsteps, unlocked mailboxes and stoops. All this curbside commerce has created a new class of criminal dedicated to pilfering as many packages as possible.

from the LA Times

A sneak thief who lived in L.A.
with packages oft got away.
The cops set a trap
involving dog crap;
that crook now is sure guano pay!  

In Indonesia, an Islamic Edict Seeks to Keep Santa Hats Off Muslims

This month, the Indonesian Ulema Council, the country’s largest body of Islamic clerics, issued a religious edict barring Muslims from wearing Christmas-themed clothing, specifically those working in shopping malls, department stores and restaurants.

from the New York Times

A stupid old cleric insisted

that Christmas time should be resisted.

He said the great Allah

would certainly hollah

if goodwill to people persisted. 

Scientists are trying to save the climate from toxic cow burps

 A 2013 report from the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations estimated that 44 percent of the methane — a heat-trapping gas 25 times as potent as carbon dioxide — associated with human activity comes from the global livestock industry. Most of it is released through the animals' front ends.

from the Washington Post


There once was a gassy old cow
who burped up methane from her prow.
She caused such bad blood
because of her cud,
they chopped her into puppy chow. 

Albuquerque concedes forfeiture was illegal, continues with illegal forfeitures

Authorities in Albuquerque
treat the law like a roast turkey.
They slice it the way
they want it to lay;
enforcement is all herky jerky. 

The Christmas Pickle

Sascha Müller of the Lauscha glass center, in the eastern German region where the making of glass Christmas ornaments started in the mid-19th century, said he had learned of the Christmas pickle for the first time in the 1990s, on a trip to Frankenmuth, Mich.

from the New York Times

Hang a pickle on your tree,
Christmas morn you'll happy be!
Ev'ry child should feel the thrill
of the Yuletide's bright green dill!
If a pickle you ain't got,
try a carrot or kumquat.
Decorate howe'er you want;
me, I like a fresh croissant! 

Light the World #24

But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.  

D&C 93:40

To give your children light and truth, it must reside in you;
otherwise you give them nothing more than blurry view.
Cleave to honest light and candor, praying night and day
that all you do and say is done the Savior's joyful way.
For angels hover closer than you know by ev'ry child,
lighting up their minds to follow Jesus Christ the Mild.
Our little ones, like stars above, will twinkle happily
when we use the lamps of that great Man from Galilee. 

Your Christmas Card is coming late

Your Christmas card is coming late; I hope you do not mind.
I sealed them in their envelopes, but left them all unsigned.
And so I had to open them; the envelopes were spoiled.
Then fruitcake crumbs spilled over them, and thus the cards were soiled.
Going out to buy some more, I slipped upon the ice,
and cracked my funny bone so hard it needed quite a splice.
The dollar store was out of cards that showed the proper cheer,
(besides, the envelopes were cheap -- refusing to adhere)
I rummaged in my dresser till I found some old ones that
didn't look too dog-eared and could still be pressed down flat.
A dab of Wite-Out did the trick -- they were as good as new.
But then I started sneezing and I came down with the flu!
The agony and runny nose cannot here be described;
the doctor was a slacker and just Tylenol prescribed. 
I lay in bed for days and days, subsisting on thin soup,
ignoring all my duties like a blasted nincompoop.
And when I had recovered I discovered amidst cramps
that I had gone and run completely out of postage stamps.
The Post Office was frantic, and the line ran out the door.
The stamp machine was broken (OMG -- can there be more?)
The supermarket sold me stamps -- I bought some discount meat,
and spent the night regretting it upon my toilet seat.
At last the cards were good to go, but one of Trump's lackeys
hauled me in for questioning about 'the strawberries'. 
And if you're not familiar with that literary trope,
Merry Christmas anyways from this here misanthrope.

Should we be worried about the decline in life expectancy?

New government data, however, is raining on the longevity parade. Life expectancy in America declined by a fraction in 2015, worrying some health officials who fear the change may mark the beginning of an ominous trend.

from Deseret News 

There was a young man from Hamtramck

who thought that old age was flimflamck.

"I'd rather die young"

he said as he sprung

in front of a train and went "Whamck!" 

Santa at the Wall. (Suggested by Gary He's photography)

There was an old fellow, St. Nick,
who started to feel quite homesick
for Holidays past
when walls grew less fast
and hearts did not grow quite so thick. 

Light the World #21

And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.

D & C 88:67

Fill me with light so no darkness remains;
I would be released from my ignorant chains.
Too long have I turned a blind eye to my sins;
losing myself while Beelzebub wins.
Have mercy, O Lord, on my flickering flame,
and lift me above the black valley of shame!

In breakthrough experiment, scientists shine a light on antimatter

Even physicists have a hard time wrapping their minds around antimatter. But now, for the first time, they are able to measure it.

from the Washington Post

To measure a thing that's not there

will certainly take lots of care.

Like antimatter,

which just likes to shatter.

(Or the logic of pricing airfare)

light cleaveth unto light;

 . . . light cleaveth unto light . . . 

D & C 88:40

Light attracts light as the dawn attracts day.
Brightness and glory are now on their way.
The darkness of frigid and useless belief
flees as the Savior now brings us relief.
My candle of faith make a torch, then bonfire;
then lightning to show what the Lord can inspire.
But if I am called to be only a spark,
I will search for more light while refusing the dark.