Restaurant Review: India Palace. Provo, Utah

Located on Center Street in downtown Provo, India Palace offers a nice buffet for $9.84. It's hot and fresh, My favorites are the coconut soup and the tandoori chicken. Both very tangy without being overpowering. They also feature a sweet mango rice that is to die for. I give the place 3.5 Burps.

The buffet dishes are listed with their Indian names only; there's no explanation of what's in them. So, being a pukka sahib of the old school, I will graciously explain what some of the dishes on offer are:

Aloo masala
These are potato skins wrapped in marinated shoe laces and then boiled in Portland cement.

Chole bhature
Hard boiled iguana eggs rolled in gravel, served with a sauce of granulated hummingbird tongues and melted beetle carapaces.

Kadai paneer
Poached green nettles mailed to a P.O. Box in Bombay.

Muga-muga
Wouldn't you like to know . . .

Rajmah foof
Rice and red beans cooked together until they can't stand each other. Often served with shredded butcher paper.

Zoofa
A dessert dish consisting of boiled rice, spiced walnuts, pickled lady fingers, raisins, and stilettos. Usually prepared during the Tonka Truck festival, when the entire Indian subcontinent celebrates the return of the mosquito that make the place a living hell.