En Strengen av Perler: Why it's important to remember the difference between Anusol and Ambusol

In 2003 I took an eight week course at TEFL International in Thailand to become certified as an ESL teacher. The class went well and I had a good time with my fellow students, although a certain amount of confusion occurred on one occasion, as noted below in a blog I posted at the time: 


I ran out of hemorrhoid creme this week, so went to the local Ban Phe drug store for some. The only brand they sell is called Anusol. At the same time I was bothered something fierce by mosquito bites. Cat, the Aussie gal who up and left her apartment in Peking when she saw the concertina wire going up around the apartment building next door, and on whom I'm rather sweet, gave me some Australian mosquito repellent, called Ambusol. 

The sun being out in full force the last few days, I haven't gone out much, so I forgot all about the mosquito repellent. But the hemorrhoid creme has been very helpful. 

At breakfast this morning Cat sat next to me while I was wolfing down some rice porridge. 

"How did it work, luv?" she asked me. 

"Whah?" I sputtered, hastily wiping gruel off my chin. 

"Y'know, the Ambusol." 

"Oh, that. Well, I used it this morning after my shower and haven't had a bit of itching since." 

"Yeah, it's wunnerful stuff. I use it when I go to the beach, put it on right there." 

"Are there bathrooms down at the beach?" 

"What for? I slap it on as I'm walkin' along." 

I worked a piece of cilantro loose with my tongue that was caught between my teeth while I considered her statement. 

" I suppose you could actually put it on while you're in the water?" I hazarded weakly. 

"No, luv. I just sit in the shade of a gingko tree and slather away -- sometimes I 'ave one of the other girls from school put it on me backside." 

"That seems rather . . ." I stopped; my mind jumped away from any further conjecture. 

"The bugs still show up, of course, but they just lay there kicking their bloody legs." 

I pivoted uneasily in my chair several times. My face must've shown some distaste. 

"What's the matter, Tim? Stone in the porridge? Those buggers never are very careful when they cook the rice. Why don't you come down to the beach with me before class today -- we'll 'ave a nice swim. Water's as warm as milk, y'know. I've got some Ambusol with me -- you grease me up and I'll grease you up!" 

She gave me a winsome look. But I only managed to blanche and stammer out something about homework and writing to my grandmother's paisley shawl before fleeing to my room. Where I remembered the difference between Anusol and Ambusol. 

From now on I'm only buying Preparation H.