Abuse of Saints’ Relics Presses Vatican to Issue New Rules
I’m glad I’ve not been canonized
And have my vitals highly prized.
I’d like to keep my head intact,
And my fingers -- that’s a fact!
You worshippers, some distance please;
Just stay away from both my knees!
Don’t snip my hair or rip my clothes --
For heaven’s sake don’t touch my nose!
And if my privates you abduct . . .
I hope you wind up really -- uh, plucked.
or
The corpse of a saint ain’t secure
From any old ghoul or dumb boor.
They’ll tear off a hunk
To put in their trunk,
Then print it up in a brochure.
Glowing Auras and ‘Black Money’: The Pentagon’s Mysterious U.F.O. Program
The little green men up in space
Do not like the whole human race.
They buzz past our planes
And zap our poor brains,
Then scamper away without trace.
In Defense of the Holiday Cheese Ball: Too Delicious to Be Tacky
I never met a cheese ball that did not agree with me.
Smeared upon a cracker they give holiday esprit!
If Santa will reward me for my zealous piety,
He’ll leave about a dozen underneath the Christmas tree!
Voters Increasingly Favor Democrats for Congress, New Poll Shows
The Democrats now start to smirk;
It’s paying off -- their dirty work.
They callously let
Republicans get
The blame for Commander-in-Jerk.
Uproar Over Purported Ban at C.D.C. of Words Like ‘Fetus’
Washington monitors phrases
That sends bureaucrats into blazes.
One slip of the tongue
And your job is dung --
So much for a lifetime of raises . . .
No comments:
Post a Comment