Grandpa's Ghost Story

Of the several ghost stories I tell the grand kids from time to time, this is the one they like best:

THE HUNGRY OLD LADY

There once was an old lady who lived by herself in a meadow that was surrounded by deep dark woods. And this old lady was always hungry. She had a barn full of cows and pigs and chickens, and each morning she'd wake up and think to herself "I'm so hungry I could eat a cow!" 

So she'd go out to the barn and kill a cow to cook it all up, hooves, tail, udder, and all. She ate the whole animal in just one day.

When all the cows were gone she woke up one morning and said to herself "I'm so hungry I could eat a pig!" So she went out to the barn and killed a pig to use its blood for sausage and fry the rest of it up for bacon and chitterlings.

When all the pigs were gone she woke up one morning and said to herself  "I'm so hungry I could eat a dozen chickens in one sitting!" And so she went out to the barn and killed a dozen chickens and ate them raw -- feathers and all! She had long brown teeth. 

 But now there was nothing left out in the barn to eat -- not even a mouse. So she went out into the meadow and caught frogs and tadpoles and toads and turtles to cook in a big pot to eat. Soon there weren't any more frogs or tadpoles or toads or turtles left in the meadow. So she went into the deep dark woods to dig for roots. And while she was in the deep dark woods digging for roots she found a big hairy toe. It looked like it had a lot of meat on it, so she snatched it up and put it in her basket and came back home. When she cooked up that big hairy toe it was the most delicious and filling meal she'd ever had! She went to bed that night as happy as a flea on your nose.

But along about midnight a cold dark wind came up and started to blow black and mean. The moon hid its light and all the little animals in the forest went deeper into their holes and nests, because there was a faint voice that came up with that cold black wind, saying:

"Hairy toe! Hairy toe! I want my hairy toe!" 

But that old lady snug in her bed didn't hear a thing -- not at first. She was too comfortable and full of hairy toe stew to hear anything but her own snoring. 

But the wind kept blowing real mean, and the voice got louder:

"Hairy toe! Hairy toe! I want my hairy toe!"

Now the hungry old lady heard the voice at last. It seemed to be coming from the meadow. She pulled the covers up and began to shiver and shake.

Now the voice was at her garden gate:

"Hairy toe!" "Hairy toe!" "I want my hairy toe!"

She heard her garden gate creak open and then shut with a crack.

Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. Something was walking up to her front door! 

But now the old lady relaxed a little. She had locked the door before going to bed, and nothing could get in through that big stout door . . . 

CRASH!

The front door was smashed open and something began coming up the stairs. Clomp. Clomp. Clomp. It was at her bedroom door, breathing real heavy. Oh, that old lady was scared to death now! She pulled the covers clean over her head.

Her bedroom door flew open and that old lady just had to take a peek. It was a gigantic hairy man, with glowing red eyes, standing in the doorway. He said:

"Hairy toe!" "Hairy toe!" "I want my hairy toe!"

The old lady was scared out of her wits, and yelled:

"I ate your hairy toe!'

The giant hairy man with the glowing red eyes screamed back at her:

"I know it!" and ran up to her bed . . . 

The next day all the neighbors round about came tiptoeing over to the hungry old lady's house, to see what all the racket had been about the night before. They found her in the kitchen cooking a stew in the biggest pot they had ever seen. She invited them all to stay and gave them each a bowl of stew. It was the most delicious and filling meal they had ever had . . .