Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Headlines & Verse. Wednesday. June 28. 2017

EPA TO ROLL BACK CLEAN WATER REGULATIONS. AMERICANS SHOULD DRINK MORE BEER ANYWAYS. 


The EPA has turned its back
On keeping clean water on track.
Bureaucrat Pruitt
Says he won’t do it --

Replying “Let them drink cognac!”



TEN COMMANDMENTS MONUMENT GOES UP ON CAPITOL GROUNDS IN LITTLE ROCK: ATHEISTS SWEAR TO GOD THEY'LL HAVE IT REMOVED


In Little Rock God has his say,
Chiseled in granite to stay.
Lip service is fine,
But who can align

With all Ten Commandments each day?



RETIRING HOUSE MEMBER CHAFFETZ SAYS WASHINGTON HOUSING TOO EXPENSIVE FOR FRUGAL MEMBERS OF CONGRESS (HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT TRAILER PARKS, JASON?) 


Some Lawmakers don’t have a clue
That when their high rent has come due,
That they ought to yearn
Back home to return --

And STAY there until the moon’s blue.




MONTANA CONGRESSMAN DISCOVERS SECRET TO COLLECTING MASSIVE DONATIONS -- BEAT UP A REPORTER


If you want donations to peak,
Just smack some reporters each week.
Your voters will think
Reporters must stink --

And you’ll be as rich as a sheikh!




ALL THAT DENTAL WORK PAID OFF -- PRESIDENT IS WOWED BY IRISH REPORTER'S SMILE

There was a young writer named Perry
Whose twinkling smile was quite merry.
She charmed that old grump
We call Donald Trump --

Such influence just might be scary . . .

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Photo Essay: A Short Visit with Grand Children and some Durian

They arrived at 5:30 -- they were supposed to come visit me at 3. We were going to rearrange my pantry, work on a jigsaw puzzle, have hot dogs and beans for dinner, and then sample some Durian fruit I bought at the corner Asian Market. Three pieces of it cost me $11.50. But, like I say, they came at 5:30, and had to leave for a softball game at 6. Sarah's only explanation was: "Things got a little crazy, sorry." And you know what -- that's completely okay. Because I remember when she was my little girl,with a bunch of other little hellions, and being on time for anything was a distant ideal -- sort of like Camelot. So I fed 'em hot dogs and beans and I tasted the Durian in front of them out on the patio -- I bought the darn thing for grand son Ohen, cuz he heard me talking about it and begged me to get some for him to try. But one whiff and he refused to even look at it. The twerp. Then it was time for them to go. Here's a few of the photos I managed to snap, in-between serving them their supper and keeping them out of the jigsaw puzzle. This is family on the run. And it's still better than anything else in my world except maybe sex,  and anchovy pizza . . . 

Ah yes, gather round the goodie jar my little chickadees. I stock it with balloons, candy bars, packets of raisins, and bubble gum


My daughter is a texting addict, like all her generation. The only reason I forgive her for it is because she likes my stove top beans and puts lots of sauerkraut on her hot dog -- what a woman!


Grand daughter Brooke is all -- "What? Didn't we just get here? Why am I back in my #%**@* car seat again?" 



After I told grand son Ohen the possibly apocryphal story of how pink lemonade was invented at the circus, he decided not to have anymore. 



Grand son Lance gets this Jack Nicholson "The Shining" look sometimes -- I think he bears watching very closely . . . 


Ohen is already practicing his "Whatever!" face for when he becomes a teenager



I kinda thought I would take all night to create this photo essay, but it's only 6:35. I was hoping the kids would stay longer. I bought three boxes of TNT Pop Its for them to play with in the alley. I really don't know what to do with myself tonight. I don't want to work on the stupid jigsaw by myself. I tell myself I'm not sad about their so very short visit. I'll see them again soon -- I hope. But it's hard to know when, when I no longer have a car. But it's okay -- there's no resentment on my part. I gave Sarah the rest of the Durian to feed to her gonzo gourmet husband Jonny -- I swathed it in plastic wrap and then sealed it in a Glad freezer bag, assuring her it will not stink up her van.

It's going to stink up her van . . . 



Headlines & Verse. Tuesday. June 27. 2017

THE FOLLY OF SALVADOR DALI: HIS CORPSE TO UNDERGO MEDICAL QUESTIONING IN PATERNITY SUIT. 


A palm reader from old Madrid
Wanted a nice piece of quid
From Dali’s estate --
Because her mom’s gait

From virtue with Dali had slid.



If you’re fleeing from the Sudan
Don’t come here if you’ve got no clan.
The Justices say
We can’t let you stay --
You’ll be expelled like you was bran.



There once was a moose up in Boulder
Who felt that he got the cold shoulder.
“Why should they complain”
He tried to explain,
“When I’m good as any householder!”


ANOTHER GLOBAL CYBERATTACK RENDERS UKRAINE GOVERNEMENT AND ECONOMY HELPLESS -- SOME EXPERTS SAY IT'S COMING TO AMERICA NEXT!


When hackers attack I refuse
To come down with internet blues.
So let ‘em hijack --
They’ll find that I lack

Anything but IOU’s.


NEW LAW IN PHILIPPINES MAKES IT A FELONY TO SING NATIONAL ANTHEM OFF-KEY

There was a young man of Manilla
Caught between Charybdis and Scylla.
As deaf as a post,
He sang like a ghost --

They skinned him just like a chinchilla.

Photo Essay: Bodies in Motion at the Provo Recreation Center

I sat in the lobby of the Rec Center after my Senior Aquatic Aerobics Class, too tired to walk home. So I recorded people coming and going -- with no background story or narrative. Without much focus. There is no meaning to these photographs -- unless you supply it yourself. But . . . who knows, maybe you're in one of them . . .








After a while, sitting there, the moving people became surreal to me. I was not interacting with them, just observing them. I was not wondering about their lives or thoughts -- to me they were just Alexander Calder mobiles. So . . . am I an artist or a madman?

Or merely a voyeur?

Body in Red and White



This woman made eye contact with me




Triptych: Man in Orange T Shirt









****************************************************************

Project title:  “What I Saw at the Circus”
Work in all mediums accepted.
Deadline:  December 29, 2017
There is no entry fee
All submissions become the property of the Provo Museum of Mail Art
All submissions will be on display at the Provo Museum of Mail Art for
approximately eight weeks after being received.
Please send electronic submissions to torkythai911@gmail.com
Please mail submissions to:
The Provo Museum of Mail Art
℅ Tim Torkildson
650 West 100 North  #115

Provo Utah 84601  USA

Monday, June 26, 2017

Photo Essay: The Dollar Tree Store. Provo.

I always feel vaguely ashamed when I go into a Dollar store -- like I'm admitting defeat about the finer things in life. The good life has drifted away from me, somehow, and I'm left with the flotsam and jetsam of a Dollar store.

Thank goodness I haven't sunk low enough to visit these establishments more than once a every few months. Not yet, anyway . . .


Those Dollar store eyes follow me, as if to say "You'll be back . . . " 


They sell things that nobody has ever heard of before


and nobody ever wants to hear of again



I suspect these are not balloons, but an interstellar jellyfish hiding out in Dollar stores -- waiting to pounce on some innocent shopping krill . . . 


Where's the yellow police tape?


"See you again real soon . . . " 

Restaurant Review: Breakfast at Cubby's. Provo.


So I decided on breakfast at Cubby's this morning afer my workout at the Provo Rec Center. I call it a workout . . . more like floating around in the pool like a jellyfish for 35 minutes to work up an appetite. But be that as it may, I was intrigued by their breakfast menu. There are many strange and wonderful things listed on it.



I got there around 9:30, and the place was busy -- everybody and their dog wanted to eat breakfast at Cubby's, it seemed. I bet the staff was already feeling their bunions . . .



I ordered the huevos rancheros. As you can see from the photos above, it came in a ramekin -- dios mio! This flaccid combination of eggs, bacon shards, corn tortilla strips, diced tomatoes, and a scattering of black beans, cannot by any stretch of the imagination be called huevos rancheros. It was a fraud and an insult. Rather than pull out my pistolas and start banging away like Pancho Villa, I sullenly ate my concoction. To paraphrase Comic Book Guy -- "Worst huevos rancheros EVER!"
I paid $9.50 for this abomination, with no fountain drink included. No Burps whatsoever for this dismal desayuno.


Headlines & Verse. Monday. June 26. 2017.

CARBON DIOXIDE CONTINUES TO INFLAME THE ATMOSPHERE, AS SCIENTISTS SCRATCH THEIR EGGHEADS

Our carbonized footprint is vast
From fossilized fuel that we blast
Up into the breeze,
Where it cannot freeze --

Which means that our planet is glassed.



In New York the schools are so rich
Their money makes deans start to itch.
The colleges spend
As if there’s no end
To nightlife and feasting and kitsch.




Why should I waste time to go vote,
When it is controlled by banknote?
Congressional races
Are surely disgraces --
All they’ll get from me is my goat!