CANTO NINE. BETSY DEVOS.
The West Coast of America is wild and woolly yet;
Full of enchiladas and the arrogant baguette.
When Betsy D came visiting, she didn’t plan to stay --
But here’s the tale of how she was marooned there one fine day.
Mighty Vulcan, neath the ground, was pounding on his forge,
Which caused the San Andreas Fault much landscape to disgorge.
In fact the whole West Coast slid off into the briny water,
Creating a new island that was buoyant as an otter.
DeVos refused to panic, with an Amway smile she led
The islanders to polling booths, new leaders to embed.
They called their atoll Neurocore, since Betsy greased the palms
Of ev’ry politician while she sang angelic psalms.
She became the Czar of Education in that land,
And brooked no intervention -- all complaints were strictly banned.
She printed vouchers by the ton; she painted schools bright red.
She fed the students caviar, with lots of cheap cornbread.
Back inside the Beltway, when they heard the funky news,
The trumpsmen didn’t do much except smile a bit and muse:
“The West Coast is so liberal that we are better off
Letting it just slide away into the ocean’s trough.”
But as DeVos grew stronger with her hold on scholarship
The islanders began resenting her patrician grip.
Like the nymph Kalypso she enchanted men and boys
To follow her instructions and stay with her as mere toys.
At last an insurrection of the common people led
To calls for Betsy’s resignation (and perhaps her head.)
By stealthy night she slipped away upon a modest yacht
To sail away from troubles like a modern Argonaut.
She landed on the shores of Arizona one dark night,
In Maricopa County -- and was locked up good and tight.
No boat people were wanted by the Arizona folk --
They towed her back to sea so she could try a cold backstroke
To some far distant country that would harbor her in peace.
And there she’s still a-floatin’ like a fancy spot of grease.
And mariners say in the fog, when peril looms before,
You can hear old Betsy shout: “Beware, beware, Al Gore!” (to be continued)
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