CANTO SIX. KIRSTJEN NIELSEN
Rising through the scandal waves, like Venus on her shell,
Kirstjen Nielsen came along, confusion to dispel.
Her long blonde hair did cover up a multitude of vice
(in others, since for her own self she seemed to be quite nice.)
Fatherland security is what she dotes upon;
Promoting it unceasingly with brain and active brawn.
At administration and enforcement she’s the tops;
As a solid trumpsman she has shown she’s got the chops.
Before a Senate hearing she has got to show her skill
In navigating swampland that surrounds the Capitol Hill.
In preparation thereof, some bold valkyries she called --
So she can leave those lawmakers upon the floor all sprawled.
But valkyries, when summoned, are not very meek and mild;
They rather like to give their host a ride that’s pretty wild!
So Kirstjen found herself astride a steed, then gave a holler,
As the whole dang bunch of them went up into Valhaller.
The valkyries took Kirstjen straight into the feasting hall,
Where warriors were guzzling and spoiling for a brawl.
The red-eyed master of the revels bade her sit at ease
While he belched a cloud of mead and scratched his pesky fleas.
“So you’re the one to massacre the foes who dare invade
Your fatherland!” he roared, as sharpened daggers he displayed.
“Don’t let ‘em think that hygge keeps you gentle as a maid --
But strike their worthless heads off to display on your stockade!”
He offered her a cup of mead -- she downed it in one gulp,
Which then in turn went right to work and turned her brain to pulp.
Flaming with a Viking rage, good Kirstjen took a sword
And started ventilating those around the groaning board.
Zip! There went a thighbone gone. Zap! There goes a nose.
Mighty Kirstjen made mincemeat of heads and arms and toes.
The massacre left ev’ryone with wounds that ever bleed --
Then Kirstjen tossed her head in pride and had another mead . . .
When she awoke upon her bedroom floor she realized
She had had a vision that had left her canonized.
Her calling and election sure, a warlord Queen was she.
She’d spit the foes of Uncle Sam upon a sharpened tree!
She’s going into battle with the Senate pretty soon.
She’s gonna turn some heads and make so many of them swoon.
Can she be trusted to protect our sacred polity --
Or will she want to give each citizen the third degree?
(to be continued)
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