Environmentalists filmed Iran’s vanishing cheetahs. Now they could be executed for spying. (WaPo)

I always suspected that talking cheetahs were running things over at the legislature in Saint Paul. My suspicions were confirmed when I turned my place into an Airbnb last year and talking cheetahs started renting it on a monthly basis while the legislature was in session. They were lobbyists, for the most part.
"Hi, I'm Fred" said one talking cheetah as he held out a paw to me. "I'm working to help deer multiply so much that we can hunt them right here in the streets of the city."
His toothy grin and cheerful honesty almost won me over. But I noticed flakes of dried blood on his paw and remembered that all of his kind are cold blooded killers. Predators without mercy or conscience. And they are running things in the state capital. So I said nothing in return and coldly took his money.
I have to admit that these terrible creatures always paid their money in advance and never gave me a bit of trouble. Oh sure, I had to change their sheets all the time -- since none of them are housebroken -- but I'd raised eight children in my time and so I was used to that kind of thing. For breakfast they always wanted the same thing -- raw beef liver with great slabs of salt pork, washed down with tomato juice. They were always asking after my grandchildren, wanting to meet them and play with them. But I knew what they were up to -- first a smile; then a caress; then a snarl; and then a meal. So I claimed that they were all camping in Wyoming. That's the thing about talking cheetahs; you can divert their insatiable blood lust pretty easily. 
When the legislature finally went into recess (after the talking cheetahs had chased the last human survivors out of the building) my Airbnb business slacked off some. Until the dancing capybaras had a convention in town -- then I made a killing by renting out my place to them, and introducing them to my talking cheetah friends down at the country club.