Sometimes I envy you at work

Sometimes I envy you at work, although it isn't often.
What I envy, like I do today, is the fact that you can steal time from your employer by reading this email instead of doing your work. I remember that feeling as a delicious tingle of petty larceny, of anti-capitalist derring-do, in the face of the fat cats that run our lives and dole out measly bits of cash from time to time and then inveigle us into thinking we have something important called a 'career.' 
Today I couldn't even summon the energy or stamina to goof off from my regular goofing off -- which is all I do nowadays; although I like to think of it as 'creative loafing.' Sounds more impressive. But I miss being able to purloin fifteen minutes here and there during the day in completely useless activities while I'm on the clock. Now I have so much time to waste that I'm even beginning to think of things to do that are NOT a waste of time -- like family history. Or cooking a big meal for anyone who wants it and serving it in the community room at noon. Fact is, I was going to do that -- make a Penang curry -- and have the missionaries over to eat most of it -- but they weren't available today. Good thing, too -- cuz I got one of my dazy spells and couldn't think straight for a couple hours this morning -- just sat in my recliner and dozed and daydreamed and watched the sparrows snap up the leftover stale cinnamon rolls I crumbled up and threw on my patio. But now I'm feeling better, and am considering throwing a couple buckets of water on the peony bush in my patio -- cuz apparently the irrigation system is broke and all the peonies in the back of all the ground floor apartments are drying up and dying. Except mine, cuz I watered it a few times last week when I noticed it was turning a dusty bronze color. I also have a dozen sunflowers growing up in the gravel where the birds dropped seeds this past spring -- I should douse them with water, too. Just the thought of doing that makes me feel virtuous and at one with nature --so I'll probably just sit here all day thinking about it and not ever doing it, and who really gives a damn if I do it or don't do it? Nobody. 
(How much time have you wasted on this email so far? I calculate probably only two minutes or less -- I'm sure you're a fast reader.)
Then there's the matter of dinner. I initially thought of opening a can of clam chowder, but then that sounded too bland and unexciting. So I began to get dressed to go over to the Fresh Market to buy a Totinos' Cheese Pizza and a can of anchovies so I could make myself an anchovy pizza. But then I began to resent the fact that I would have to spend money today -- and why should I spend anything today? They're still garnishing my Social Security, taking our over seventy bucks each month, for an old student loan that I thought I had made a payment agreement on to pay just five dollars a month. I need to stop spending money, to hunker down and live like a homeless person, dumpster diving for my dinner. 
Did you know I used to go through the garbage at work when I worked for Feature Films for Families? Amy made me feel so guilty about not making enough money to feed our family properly that I never took a lunch to work, but instead would wait until everyone was out of the breakroom and then rummage in the trash for leftover pizza and bagels and Subway sandwiches. That was a messed up time for both of us. 
Well, the hell with it all. I've got a can of spinach and a bowl of microwave jasmine rice, so I'll combine the two for an early dinner and then snack on some beef jerky later tonight while I watch Netflix. Of course one of my kids might want to come over and visit or there might be some church work I'm asked to do tonight -- but the chances of that happening are pretty slim, so I'll just lounge around in my bathrobe feeling like I've escaped some terrible catastrophe and wondering what it is -- oh yea, it's having a REGULAR JOB . . .