Federal judges received a link to an anti-Semitic blog post. It came from the Justice Department. (WaPo)

I was eating a toasted bagel with cream cheese when the SWAT team smashed down the front door, threw me on the floor, and put some kind of plastic binders around my wrists.
This has been happening so often lately that I wasn't really surprised or upset. The best way to handle these things is to stay calm and go along with the gag.
"What is it this time?" I asked quietly.
The leader, in a black balaclava mask, who I'm pretty sure has been the one leading the raids on my house for the past year, replied in a not unfriendly tone "We just need to round up all the scallions you're harboring in your refrigerator. Won't take but a minute."
"Sure thing" I said. "I just bought some so they're actually still in the sink -- I haven't rinsed them off yet."
"Got it" he said. "Thanks for being so cooperative."
"Always glad to oblige" I replied, with as much sincerity as I could muster. 
They were gone a few minutes later and outside of some chaffing on my wrists from the plastic bands I was none the worse for wear. Well, there's the busted front door of course -- but my homeowners insurance covers that.
My neighbor, an old lady who crochets tea cozies, was not so fortunate. The SWAT team broke down her door next and instead of submitting tamely she began yelling at the top of her lungs that her rights were being trampled on and that they would have to pry her scallions out of her cold dead hands. They hustled her off in a black SUV and then set fire to her house. I'm pretty sure the old lady had some kind of death wish -- maybe she was tired of living in a house crammed with unwanted tea cozies. 
The next day my scallions were actually returned to me by the same guy in the black balaclava mask who led the raid on my house.
"These aren't the kind of scallions we're looking for" he told me as he handed them back to me in a plastic bag. They were pretty wilted, but I didn't complain. "Sorry for the inconvenience" he continued. "There's a new strain of scallions out there that have infiltrated grocery stores all over the country -- we can't take any chances. Better safe than sorry. They're the ones giving good scallions a bad name."
"No need to explain to me" I assured him. "Some of my best friends are scallions."