Today's Timericks: Senate Poised to Pass Huge Industrial Policy Bill to Counter China. (NYT)

 

Uncle Sam is way behind in factory production/So China stays way in the lead, creating quite a ruction/Congress is determined to make factories athletic/Let us hope they pony up, and not go all cosmetic!

WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court on Monday declined to hear a challenge to a federal law that requires only men to register for the military draft.  (NYT)

Who but men would want to register to go to war?/Women have more sense than to desire such a chore/Of course today the sexes are not cut and dried at all/and so the local draft board must create new protocol.

Rome Gets Its First Pizza Vending Machine. Will Romans Bite?  (NYT)

Coffee in a paper cup; a can of pop -- okay/but automatic pizza should not see the light of day/Some things must have loving hands to season and to bake/a pizza pie without such care is just a lifeless fake!

The fourth estate has fallen on hard times, and so PR/has stepped in to reenergize reporters failing star/When you read a story about orange juice supply/you can bet that Tree Ripe has a finger in the pie/So take each story that you read with just a grain of salt/and remember facts are swayed with money by default.

Today's Timericks: Trump and his allies try to rewrite, distort history of pandemic while casting Fauci as public enemy No. 1

 

Historians take note/that those who crave a vote/distort and make up lies/for their historic prize/no politician dares/to narrate his affairs/but as the Holy Grail/or maybe fairy tale.

On Father's Day don't get me/a necktie, por favor/I've got a hundred of 'em/hung from my bedroom door/they're pink and green and yellow/with patterns large and small/they all have one thing common/I really hate 'em all!

Good old Joseph Biden/makes journalists feel free/he's told his people bluntly/to use no sub-pee-nee/to find the finks who tattle/on government mistakes/He'd rather deal upfront with/the consequent headaches. 

I am a cliche poet/transparently mundane/most people see right through it/like unrolled cellophane.

Our butterflies are dying/and the bees have took a dive/the flowers wave alone now/and there's silence at the hive/yet men insist their poisoning/is just a tabloid scheme/and few there are who ever hear/our planet's silent scream.

Today's Timericks: Federal Judge Overturns California’s 32-Year Assault Weapons Ban

 

When you're hunting rabbits you will need an AK-12/and lots and lots of bullets so your trophy you can shelve/Assault weapons are harmless, in the hands of sober folk/Too bad California all it's prudence did revoke!  

The sound of buzzing weed whackers is loud upon the land/the dandelions march apace and take a brazen stand/I gaze upon their yellow haze and contemplate a raid/retiring to hammock, I instead sip lemonade.  

I like to paint the ocean shore/the rippled light and lonely oar/the bathers in their scanty suits/who often look like prostitutes/but as I daub away with zip/I know the whole thing is a gyp/my talents must lie otherwhere/perhaps in pickup truck repair.

Today's Nifties: Being freshly laid jokes by a big piece of ham.

 

Connecting up with old friends is like connecting up with old electronics -- you never know what might blow up.

I wouldn't say my brains are scrambled --they're just postmodern.

Want to make a vegan cry? Just fry some bacon in butter.

My fridge is clean, but my conscience is full of leftovers.

One less tree is one less breath.

Why do the British have such bad teeth? Because their stiff upper lip keeps them from flossing.

What do you get when you cross feathers with beets? Tickled beets.

Her lips were like cherries -- they were pitted.

In my day we didn't have Cancel Culture -- we had Mothers-in-Law.

I knew a lady English teacher who didn't believe in contractions -- until she went into labor.

What sings underwater? Choral.

What's the safest kind of bread? Bagel with lox.

My new exercise program is made up of diddly-squats.

Talk is cheap -- unless your talking to a lawyer.

Prose Poem: The Camera Moved.

 

The camera shifted,

so everyone moved to the left.

"C'mon, Uncle Joe" I said,

"get in closer."

I smelled sandalwood

and then the wind picked up,

stirring up a haze around us.

"Wait a minute, folks" I told everyone.

A baby started crying.

There was a marching band

somewhere down the street.

I put my right hand on 

Jennie's shoulder.

She didn't shrug it off.

And the wind died down.

"Don't look directly at the camera"

I entreated everyone.

"Look slightly to the left."

"We should have hired

a professional photographer"

said Grandma Rose.

But I had forgiven her

for this, and for many other things,

a long time ago.

The wind picked up again

and just before it started to 

rain

the chartered bus arrived.

Family members scattered

down the steps

like so many slinkies --

but I took the picture anyways.

Then got on the bus to face 

 egg salad and Jennie sitting

next to a stranger named Mike.

Today's Nifties.

 

My landlord is so mean and petty he puts muzzles on humming birds.

On my budget I eat so many beans that I'm being investigated by the EPA for methane emissions.

I kinda liked face masks on store clerks -- at least when they said "Have a nice day" you couldn't see their snarl.

when an atheist dies, he'll walk toward the light and turn it off.

We already have the bread -== now where are the circuses?

Today's Timericks: Your ability to focus may be limited to 4 or 5 hours a day. Here’s how to make the most of them. (WaPo)

 

I'm always out of focus/and my view is never clear/my brain has turned to latex/and my nerves to mold, I fear/I think a moth or beetle/has more acumen than me/and it's always been that way -- since I was twenty three! 

Dress codes for a graduation/seem to favor degradation/if your duds aren't up to snuff/you will face a sure rebuff/thankfully, what students lack/teachers will give off their back!  

At your barber get a shot/as a prudent afterthought/MD's stationed at your bar/are not fetched that very far/seized by wellness agitprop/we want medics in each shop/is this really so outrageous/while the world remains contagious?   

Prose Poem: Texas Votes Washington Cyberattack Mass Shooting and Joe Biden Coronavirus Lab Leak with China John Krasinski.

 

It all started as I turned the corner

going home from Fresh Market.

It's a blind corner, and a girl on a bike

nearly crashed into me as I came up

to the corner.

It was a close shave.

That got me to thinking about how

dangerous that blind corner is.

They should put up one of those convex

mirrors or something, so people can see

if some mad bicyclist is careening towards

them.

But I don't know who to talk to about that,

and I doubt the city would do anything about 

it anyway.

So now when I go to Fresh Market I walk way

out in the parking lane when I take that turn, giving

the dangerous blind corner a wide berth.

Of course I'm blocking traffic, and I get some

dirty looks, but my life is worth more than some

moron's middle finger.

And now I take many more precautions

as well.

Because all movement and thought 

invites danger and discomfort.

So, even though I don't believe in it myself,

I wear an aluminum foil hat --

even to bed.

Laughable, yes. Ridiculous, certainly.

But . . . 

where there's smoke there's fire.

And I no longer use my computer

keyboard, or my computer for that matter.

All that electricity coursing through circuits

and microchips -- don't tell me there isn't 

a chance of getting electrocuted.

No -- paper and pencil are good enough for me.

I gave away my big screen TV.

You could feel the heat radiating from it

when you got close to it -- that can't be good.

I sit in a wooden chair.

I drink vinegar constantly.

I bathe in distilled water.

I've stopped going out.

My door is locked

and I sleep on the floor,

on a pile of old newspapers --

their wonderful old-fashioned 

printed words are a wall

around me.

I feel completely safe.

 Inertia is beautiful.

Tomorrow's Timericks: Biden set for G-7 boost in bid for all nations to impose minimum global corporate tax

 

all the world loves taxes/loves to pay 'em through the nose/global corporations/love to work those ratios/but after you have taxed 'em/you will find Swiss bank accounts/for corporations growing/in amazing large amounts.

The summer streets are running red/the violence leads to mass dread/the heat waves always melt restraint/so gangs touch up their old war paint/the latest horde of thugs suggest/we ought to hide in our ice chest.

The price of meat is elevated/leaving wallets much truncated/a piece of liver costs the same/as losing at a poker game/even pork and beans are priced/like it was a diamond heist/like that king of Babylon/we'll soon be forced to eat our lawn!  

Today's Timericks: Dogs sniff out Covid-19 carriers in Thailand and other countries. (NYT)

 

A Labrador knows if you're sick/their able noses do the trick/so when you travel, without fail/see if the Lab does wag its tail/cuz if it does you're Covid blighted/and off the plane you'll be invited.

Chinese demographics aging/are most other news upstaging/no one's growing up to be/ready as an employee/everyone is old and gray/on a pension, wits astray/Chinese babies, please come quick/and don't you be a Bolshevik!   

The gumboot chiton has hard dentures/as across the sea it ventures/scraping algae off of stones/cleaning up for Davey Jones/It is full of iron bits/They don't serve it at the Ritz.