Today's Nifties.

 

My landlord is so mean and petty he puts muzzles on humming birds.

On my budget I eat so many beans that I'm being investigated by the EPA for methane emissions.

I kinda liked face masks on store clerks -- at least when they said "Have a nice day" you couldn't see their snarl.

when an atheist dies, he'll walk toward the light and turn it off.

We already have the bread -== now where are the circuses?