Connecting up with old friends is like connecting up with old electronics -- you never know what might blow up.
I wouldn't say my brains are scrambled --they're just postmodern.
Want to make a vegan cry? Just fry some bacon in butter.
My fridge is clean, but my conscience is full of leftovers.
One less tree is one less breath.
Why do the British have such bad teeth? Because their stiff upper lip keeps them from flossing.
What do you get when you cross feathers with beets? Tickled beets.
Her lips were like cherries -- they were pitted.
In my day we didn't have Cancel Culture -- we had Mothers-in-Law.
I knew a lady English teacher who didn't believe in contractions -- until she went into labor.
What sings underwater? Choral.
What's the safest kind of bread? Bagel with lox.
My new exercise program is made up of diddly-squats.
Talk is cheap -- unless your talking to a lawyer.
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