for each fallen leaf
there is a number assigned
and a file in Hell
Wednesday, October 31, 2018
Trump's Ideas Grow Crazier -- US/Mexico Border to Become Military Zone -- Switching from Pumpkins to Pot
In the last days before a midterm congressional election that will determine the future of his presidency, Mr. Trump seems to be throwing almost anything he can think of against the wall to see what might stick, no matter how untethered from political or legal reality. NYT
The stranger an idea may be
the more Trump is drawn to it, see?
His outlines bizarre
have carried him far
and stained pages in history.
****************************
WASHINGTON—The number of U.S. troops being deployed to the Mexican border eventually will grow beyond 5,239—the figure officials announced a day earlier—the military commander overseeing the expanding deployment said.
WSJ
Even though with Mexico we're not at war today,
we're sending troops and weapons to their border anyway.
It only goes to prove that when it comes to paranoid,
the White House is a case study for wise old Sigmund Freud.
To babysit the border is a soldier's highest aim
when the Chief his fantasies he simply cannot tame.
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Opening Half Moon Bay to commercial cannabis could change the city forever, they worry, normalizing pot for teenagers, luring outside investors with nefarious motives, and drawing federal scrutiny upon farm laborers, many of whom are undocumented Mexican workers. Washington Post.
The residents of Half Moon Bay
all want cannabis to stay away.
Their motives are high
but should not apply
to farmers who need extra pay.
********************
"Piffle!"
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
Haiku: the weeds will die back
the weeds will die back
the same time as the flowers
when winter rubs them
Haiku: the mad orange leaves
the mad orange leaves
and the brown pompous seed pods
don't care what's coming
Does Social Media Encourage Hate Crimes? -- Trump Continues to Trample the Constitution -- Land O'Lakes Boycott
On Instagram, 11,696 Examples of How Hate Thrives on Social Media NYT headline
Encouraging hate with a tweet
and Facebook slurs are a real treat
for weak minds that dream
of hearing a scream
from innocents when death they meet.
***************************
President Trump is planning an executive order he says would terminate the automatic right to citizenship for children born in the U.S. to noncitizens, a move most legal experts said would be unconstitutional WSJ
I think if you're born with no brain
no citizenship can remain,
so I say deport
that dumb White House sport
before he can raise much more Cain.
**************************
Land O’Lakes has withdrawn its support of a conservative lawmaker after the dairy company’s political donation churned up online cries for a boycott of its products. According to the Federal Election Commission, a political action committee for Land O’Lakes, the purveyor of grocery store staples such as butter, milk and cream, gave $2,500 to U.S. Rep. Steve King’s campaign on June 29. King is an Iowa Republican who is the member of Congress most openly affiliated with white nationalism. He has retweeted a Nazi sympathizer and has displayed a Confederate flag on his desk.
Washington Post
A company called Land O'Lakes
used to support lots O'Flakes.
But boycotts persuaded
them to keep unaided
the conservative cesspool O'Fakes.
***********************
"He's lost his marbles."
Your Primary Tab is Empty
'Your Primary tab is empty.'
The words I am longing to read
each morning when I am confronted
with my Gmail's jumbled stampede.
No messages from my ex girlfriends,
no spam from my Congressman, please!
No invites to meetings and luncheons.
No newsletters chock full of sleaze.
An inbox as clear as the blue sky
after a rainstorm blows through
I fear is beyond expectation
till after my heavenly coup.
"Me, I use postcards."
Monday, October 29, 2018
Haiku: there is always light
there is always light
for the mountain and trees:
they can wait and trust
Sunday, October 28, 2018
Haiku: ribbons down the street
ribbons down this street
in a reticent red queue
for the other streets
Haiku: rattling brown bones
stripped of their hauteur
by thoughtless frolicking gales,
rattling brown bones
Today humbugs flourish like weeds
We live in a time of greatly expanded and disseminated information. But not all of this information is true. We need to be cautious as we seek truth and choose sources for that search. We should not consider secular prominence or authority as qualified sources of truth. We should be cautious about relying on information or advice offered by entertainment stars, prominent athletes, or anonymous internet sources. Expertise in one field should not be taken as expertise on truth in other subjects. Dallin H. Oaks.
Today humbugs flourish like weeds,
preying upon our deep needs.
They act like a god
while offering fraud;
their words never match their small deeds.
Saturday, October 27, 2018
Reporter Valerie Bauerlein of the Wall Street Journal Loves Small Town America
It takes a special type of large-hearted person to write sympathetically yet realistically about small town America. Most reporters can't summon up enough empathy, nor discard enough sophistication, to do it. Valerie Bauerlein is the exception; her work on podunks and jerkwater communities makes them come alive, and then lumber off into the distance chased by peasants with pitchforks and torches.
Which is strange, when you come to think of it, because her birth and background are anything but small town. Born and raised in a penthouse apartment that overlooks Central Park, she is the child of unparalleled luxury. Her great grandfather invented the rubber cookie jar, which laid the foundation for one of the most fabled fortunes in America. She not only grew up with an indoor swimming pool and bowling alley, but had a shooting gallery on the terrace for her friends that featured nothing but Ming vases. As a teenager she spent summers on the Riviera and winters sailing among the majestic fjords of Spitsbergen.
Turning down an invitation to lecture at the Sorbonne, Ms Bauerlein instead attended Duke University and went to work as a cub reporter at the Raleigh News & Observer. Unfortunately, she thought they said 'curb' reporter and spent several unproductive years investigating street gutters. But in 2005 she realized her mistake and joined the Wall Street Journal as their Foam Rubber Futures reporter. From there it was just a hop, skip, and a jump to wandering the highways and byways of small town America, reporting on everything from pothole theme parks to paint drying exhibitions.
Her work has been awarded the Sarah Needleman Trophy for outstanding chirography.
When not reporting on how to make box elder bug cuff links, Sarah likes to relax with a cup of homemade Borax and the latest Margaret Oliphant novel.
***************************************
He hasn't got the sense God gave geese!"
Reporter Mike Rosenwald of the Washington Post and the Saluki Conspiracy
Mild mannered reporter Mike Rosenwald of the Washington Post has an MFA from the University of Pittsburgh, where he became interested in the saluki conspiracy theory.
Mike wasn't always an obsessive and determined investigative reporter. He grew up in a small town in a small state with small expectations that were demolished when his maternal uncle was indicted for running an illicit hamster-juggling academy in Bemidji, Minnesota. The shame was too much for the Rosenwalds, so they changed their name to Skamfull -- everyone, that is, except Mike, who refused to give up his family's proud surname because of a crazy uncle. His noble action led indirectly to the Florida Marlins winning the World Series in 1997.
An anonymous tip first led Mike to suspect that salukis were behind the outbreak of Tutmania in Great Britain during the 1920s, and his further research convinced him that salukis and so-called slughis have been in cahoots ever since to bring about a sinister New World Order. His manuscript articles on the subject have been publicly burned by The Economist, The New Yorker, the Boston Globe, and the Columbia Review of Journalism. His life has been overlooked on numerous occasions -- but he has declared that he will continue his investigation until every saluki in America is properly licensed and wormed.
His other interests include the Japanese art of Hikaru Dorodango, or dirt polishing, and playing the crwth.
*******************************
"I bet no one even knows it's a dog he's babbling about."
Friday, October 26, 2018
haiku: the spilling yellow
the spilling yellow
is held back by the autumn shades
waiting for frost fall
haiku: the wan moon sinks low
the wan moon sinks low
behind inky black branches
mourning absent leaves
Megyn Kelly -- Never Trust a Saudi -- Polluters to Pay Big Fees in Washington State -- Return of the Dreaded Candy Corn
A media star, name of Kelly,
found her career turn to jelly.
One thoughtless remark
about minstrels dark,
and they kicked her right off the telly.
*******************************
From the moment the dissident journalist Jamal Khashoggi disappeared after walking into the Saudi consulate in Istanbul this month, Saudi officials have offered a dizzying variety of public accounts about his fate. NYT
The truth, as it's told by a Saudi,
is very creative, though shoddy.
Scheherazade knew
of Arabs a few
know how to account for a body.
******************************
One piece of that transformation . . . will be decided on Election Day by people across Washington state, who will vote on whether to charge companies and utilities for their carbon emissions. The proposed carbon fees, aimed at curbing climate change by making the burning of fossil fuels more expensive, would be the first such state initiative in the nation, and other states are closely watching the election outcome. NYT
A close look at our history
will show that whenever a fee
for doing a wrong
is pushed very strong
it winds up in obscurity.
**************************************
At least 16 states and Washington, D.C., pass out candy corn in sufficient volume to place it among their top 3 Halloween treats in a ranking by candystore.com. And in seven states, it’s No. 1. WSJ
Of all the treats at Halloween,
worse than the licorice jelly bean,
the candy corn stands out as vile --
yet people serve it with a smile.
Should I be offered just one piece
they'd better ring for the police!
************************************
"Give me a caramel apple, any day!"
Thursday, October 25, 2018
El reportero Nick Miroff del periódico Washington Post habla excelente español
Nick Miroff is a man of mystery. His colleagues at the Washington Post, where he has been a staff reporter for the past twelve years, know so very little about his private life and interests that they often jump out of high rise windows in frustrated despair. Who is the man in the lime green jumpsuit that comes to his desk every Thursday afternoon with a roll of duct tape? What does he keep in the brass urn on his desk, labeled "Himmelfahrt"? Why is his Rolodex completely blank? How does he come to have a Rolodex on his desk in the first place? And when does he find time for cordwaining?
Rumors are rife that while working in Mexico City he learned the true identity of Fidel Castro's beard groomer and used that information to sink the Graf Spee in Montevideo Harbor. Miroff himself neither affirms nor denies the story.
Of humble birth, Miroff worked his way up from penury to poverty by selling earmuffs door to door in the Aleutian Islands. Intrigued by the lingering influence of colonial Spain among the native kelpies, he stowed away on a passing freighter to begin life anew as a student and scholar of Latin American studies at the University of California in Santa Cruz. His doctrinal thesis on the square tortillas of Patagonia is considered a landmark in the field of gastronomy.
He cultivates witches' butter in his spare time.
**************************
"No está jugando con una baraja llena de cartas."
Reporter Emily Yahr, of the Washington Post, is Proud of her Pirate Heritage
Emily Yahr is proud of her Pirate heritage.
"My ancestors roamed the Seven Seas looking for gold doubloons and rare spices and silks from the Orient that they could swipe from other ships, and then make their victims walk the plank. My progenitors became so infamous for their wholesale thieving that our last name became a byword among Pirates and Pirate wannabees. After all, who hasn't heard someone, somewhere, growl 'Yahr, matey' when they want to impersonate a buccaneer?"
When she worked at the Lexington Herald-Leader she was known for the particular care with which she placed her commas, asterisks, and apostrophes. She was often heard to say: "There is more mischief in a misplaced semicolon than in a quart of whisky!"
Prior to joining the Washington Post she worked at USA Today as their kapok reviewer. Her columns have been collected into a book, entitled "Excelsior is My Sister," which was on the Ladies Home Journal short list for six months.
Yahr joined the Washington Post in 2008 and immediately began building a reputation for hard-hitting style section pieces. Her prose has been likened to 'velvet sandpaper.' Her series on Velcro high heels led to legislation in several states banning the use of pesticides near bowling alleys.
She calls Cleveland her Pittsburgh.
She graduated from the University of Maryland at the age of sixteen, and took an advanced degree at the Winnemucca School of Mines before she could legally vote. Her interests include scrimshaw, hot plate repair, and flying inflatable latex gloves.
****************************
"I wouldn't want to be in her shoes."
Sarah Needleman, of the Wall Street Journal, is a Tea Connoisseur
No one can say that Sarah Needleman is not smart, edgy, trending, and pasteurized. Her articles in the Wall Street Journal and other media have always drawn attention from the Cognoscenti, Montagues, and Capulets. Currently engaged in chronicling the video game industry, her previous writing gigs include writing about how the word 'entrepreneur' would never be used if it weren't for Spell Check, and reporting on small businesses -- in fact she nosed around and found dozens of businesses so tiny that she had to buy a microscope to examine them.
She is the recipient of the Aimee Semple McPherson Award for her coverage of the International Tea Cozy Knitting Competitions in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada, in 2011. During the ensuing riots she was injured and lost the use of her coccyx for several years.
She says that literature runs in her family -- or was it runs from her family? I'll have to check my notes . . .
She graduated from Rutgers University in 1997 but likes to tell complete strangers that she is taking an online course in taxidermy to help support her dream of one day owning a kumquat ranch.
Even though Sarah admits to possessing a cat, she has not yet developed the facial tics and nail biting habit that most cat owners acquire over the long, tortuous years of feline subjugation. Her bravery and stamina in this area have earned her the admiration of scores of influential people, including Tom Cruise and KICD Meteorologist Corey Harguth, who have set up the Sarah Needleman Memorial Fund to help victims of cat ownership recover their self respect and dignity.
Social Media stories that she has amassed a giant blob of Silly Putty in her basement and intends to use it to take over northern New Jersey have been labeled as 'Fake News' by the Columbia Journalism Review and the South Brunswick Post. But nobody, least of all Ms. Needleman, seems to know just exactly what her cat does with all its spare time.
*******************************
Ms. Needleman emailed me her response to this piece, thus:
I think it's odd and has several errors. I'd prefer you take it down.
| Regards, Sarah E. Needleman | |
| TECHNOLOGY REPORTER THE WALL STREET JOURNAL. |
*******************************
"I'd rather own a porcupine than a cat."
Katie Rogers of the New York Times is Proud to be a Hoosier
Katie Rogers covers the White House for the New York Times, a job she finds both stressful and educational. She says that the stress of having to constantly snap her fingers in front of President Trump's face to regain his attention when he veers off into an incoherent rant makes it impossible for her to sleep at night unless she hangs upside down from the rafters. But she also admits she has learned so much about the inner workings of the American experiment in democracy that she is now planning a lateral move to Antarctica for a ten year sabbatical among the chinstrap penguins.
She has fond memories of growing up in Hoosier, Indiana, where the corn is alpine as a tall billboard sign, and it looks like it's growin' right up to cloud nine . . .
Her ancestors arrived at Plymouth Rock by coracle and held important positions in such organizations as American National Cattlewomen Inc; the Association of Gravestone Studies; The Organization for the Working Samoyed; and the American Association of Candy Technologists. There is a statue of her great Uncle Sebastian on the grounds of the state capital in Indianapolis, for his outstanding contributions to the game of pinochle.
A keen student of pop culture and haute couture, Ms. Rogers was among the first journalists to investigate the dangers of prolonged exposure to hula hoop earrings.
A graduate of Loyala University, she was awarded the Lucius Beebe Medallion for Breaking News and then Fixing It. Her hobbies include bowling ball rosemaling and collecting wimples.
********************************
"Give me a Buckeye anytime . . . "
Wednesday, October 24, 2018
Tim Cook's Denunciation of Silicon Valley. Et tu, Brutus?
Apple chief executive Tim Cook on Wednesday warned the world’s most powerful regulators that the poor privacy practices of some tech companies, the ills of social media and the erosion of trust in his own industry threaten to undermine “technology’s awesome potential” to address challenges like disease and climate change. Washington Post.
At the European Parliament Tim Cook began to speak,
and the legislators sat up for to hear this awesome geek.
He lamented all the rhetoric infecting platform use;
twas most it fallacious and a terrible abuse.
The mining of raw data he denounced as conscienceless,
and hopes that nosy companies will be denied access.
What good is AI, he did ask, and algorithms keen
if it makes privacy a farce and dignity demean?
Cook demanded lawmakers around the globe enact
tougher legislation and don't worry about tact.
His speech hit all the right spots, but if I may just be frank,
I think when it was over he went laughing to the bank.
White House Under Attack by Socialists -- Foodies on Instagram -- Who Invented the Green Bean Casserole?
The White House Council of Economic Advisers on Tuesday published a 72-page report criticizing what it described as the socialist ideas of leading Democratic Party politicians, and seeking to link President Trump’s political rivals with figures reviled by most Americans.
NYT
Socialists and Democrats
are two of the same kind of cats;
they may start to purr
but they will transfer
your property into their own hats!
********************************
Instagram makes soup look good
though it may taste like wormwood.
But there's not much it can do
with my kisser's awful view.
To change that I'd have to opt
to have my features Photoshopped.
***********************************
Dorcas Reilly, inventor of the green bean casserole, has died at 92.
(Headline in the Washington Post)
When it comes to processed soul,
there's nothing like a casserole.
Made with love and Elmer's glue,
tis easier than stirring roux.
Any clumsy nincompoop
can mix green beans with mushroom soup!
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