Restaurant Review: Tommy's Burgers has discovered the secret to patty cohesion.

 

This place has been around a long time in Provo.

But I ain't gonna tell you where it is.

Cuz I don't want it to be busy when I want

to go there to get a good hamburger.

They also do Chicago dogs, but they tend to turn

into gloop after the first few bites, cuz

they have more soggy verduras heaped on 'em

than Carmen Miranda's hat.

I don't know how they do it. Maybe voodoo or

jiggery-pokery, but their burgers hold

together, stay strong and cohesive

like the Rock of Gibraltar, even when

they get shook up bad while I lumber

uneasily on my arthritic legs the three

blocks back home.

I had this gargantuan burger this morning. See, they

open at 10:30, and that's about the time I get home

from the Rec Center after my deep water aerobics class

and a long soak in the hot tub -- so today I decided

I wanted something decadent, something that pandered

to the carnivore in me to break my morning fast.

 This burger did the trick. For five bucks.

I didn't bother with fries, which I now regret.

There would have been room for 'em.

Just thinking about how good that first bite

was when I got back home, sitting in my

recliner and watching an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise

on Netflix, makes me want to go back there right

now for for maybe a Texas burger this time.

As my old Thai girlfriend Joom used to 

say to me, shaking her head:

"May roojug paw!"

Which means "You always want

too much of a good thing."

I tried to take a picture of my reflection in their window.

Didn't quite turn out; I'm sure that after watching

me struggle to get this shot, the proprietor 

now thinks I am an elderly overweight lunatic.

You may be sure I'm going back there tomorrow,

Wednesday, because they give a Senior discount

on Wednesdays -- ten percent off.

Maybe I'll try the Texas burger then . . .