A British Village Is on the Hunt for a Vandal Who Throws Beans on People's Front Doors. (Food and Wine Magazine.)

 

Tim Torkildson, canned ham.

"This kind of canned food vandalism isn't an isolated incident in the U.K."

In Wonersh town, a hamlet quaint,

a fiend with beans their doors does paint.

Using cans of Heinz this brute

porch furniture will persecute.

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Children's playgrounds aren't immune,

where beans are dumped by tablespoon.

I doubt not but this libertine

will next descend to canned green bean.

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Or maybe pickled beets he'll smear

on bay windows with gloating sneer.

Mushy peas no doubt he'll find

go well on walls with bacon rind.

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Oh why can't constables arrest

this naughty tinned food-throwing pest

before he he has a chance to stoop

to throwing cans of Windsor soup?

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The least this villain ought to do

when splattering his veggie goo

is to provide a spoon and plate

and let the homeless masticate!