Tim Torkildson: Patriot and Beach Comber.
America, you're a fraud.
Your M&M's melt in my hand.
Your Timex watches take a licking
and stop ticking.
Roto Rooter does not make my troubles
go down the drain.
There's absolutely NOTHING
about an Aqua Velva man.
You can't say anything with flowers.
Your fingers can't do the walking.
The best part of waking up is taking
a shower, not coffee in your cup.
Chewing gum doesn't double
your pleasure. Ever.
There's rarely room for jello.
And special orders do upset us --
us being the American people,
who have been lied to and promised
pie in the sky and have gotten nothing
but a mess of flighty plastic bags
whirling about our heads in gossamer
mockery.
There is no breakfast of champions.
Or pause that refreshes.
Where's the beef, America --
where's the beef?
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