My time in quarantine

So I had decided to use my time in quarantine creating something
 so fantastic,
 so sublime,
 so ridiculous,
 that I would become a standard footnote in the books on Pandemic History that would one day
be published.
I tried
bottling the breath 
of smokers,
cuz I figured they would all eventually
die in this pandemic,
so it would be scientifically 
useful to have a sample of their
fetid breath.
It's easy to approach smokers.
They want to talk and be cooperative.
They're like
serial killers who are finally caught
and want to spill their guts to reporters.
I captured the breath of four smokers, in Mason jars with tight lids, before 
the R.J. Reynolds people
got to me.
They beat me up, then dumped me
in an abandoned refrigerator box.
Next I started knitting the biggest
woolen cap in the world.
The Ambassador from Finland paid me
a visit.
Then paid me a bribe
to stop knitting.
I can't say how much
he paid me.
But I can say that if you leave a
negative comment about this piece anywhere 
on the internet,
I'll have my good friend Jeff Bezos
cancel your Amazon Plus 
subscription. 
I am that rich and well connected now.
So now I spend my time in quarantine doing family history and rewriting my will.
Who wants to be just an odd footnote in history, anyway?