Nicholas St. Fleur, of the New York Times
Those in the know say it was only a matter of time (excuse the pun) before the U of C at Santa Cruz graduate Nicholas St. Fleur perfected time travel.
Emily Kaugummi, the Director of Extraneous Affairs at the Willard Scott Institute for Something like Science, says: "Mr. St. Fleur combines the intuitive brilliance of Einstein with the mettle of Tesla -- and he also does a mean SpongeBob Squarepants imitation."
St. Fleur first considered the intricate challenge of time travel when he was appointed to the Trilobites desk at the New York Times three years ago. Looking at all those old fossils made him think -- made him think they should get some younger editors around the place. It also made him think how cool it would be to go back in time to see a real dinosaur, an authentic Bubonic Plague victim, or an original Swanson's TV Dinner. As he explained to M.I.T. students last year: "I took the multi-dimensional theorems of Rutherford and combined them with the quantum mechanics of Niels Bohr to come up with the equation BVD = PDQ x 2. From there all I had to do was contact Steven Spielberg for the financing, and the machine practically built itself."
Mr. St. Fleur says he has already used his time travel mechanism to go back and warn Julius Caesar of the dagger attack in the Roman Senate, and help Thomas Edison invent the Nerf Ball before beginning on the electric light.
While he is reticent about future time travel voyages, he has thrown out hints that something should be done about the price of Starbucks' Frappuccino.
His other interests include rehydrating snow globes, brewing his own dishwater, and eradication of the gingersnap.
He was recently awarded a Best Mixologist certificate from the Elkhart Distillers Association.
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