Amy Argetsinger, of the Washington Post
Ms. Argetsinger is grateful for her degree from the University of Virginia in Political and Social Thought. It has opened the doors of a great many fine opportunities for her, beginning at the Rock Island Argus back in 1991 and continuing to this very day as Style Editor at the Washington Post. She has worked hard for these plum positions and remains optimistic about her career path, despite the debilitating malady that has shadowed her since childhood.
Like thousands of others across the United States, Ms. Argetsinger suffers from megalophobia. A fear of giants. She has struggled with this challenging condition since her ninth birthday -- when an oversized teddy bear she had been given as a present accidentally toppled over on her while she was alone in her bedroom and kept her pinned down five hours before help arrived. There is no known cure for this disease; its victims must simply soldier on in a world filled with jumbo items that could turn on them at any moment.
Which is why, when Ms. Argetsinger was assigned to visit Brainerd, Minnesota, early in her journalistic career, to report on the trend in Norwegian Waffle Hats, she suddenly developed a mysterious rash that caused his eyelashes to fall out and kept her in bed for a week. She knew, as did all well-informed journalists at the time, that Brainerd is the home of Paul Bunyan Land, a tawdry amusement park that features a towering statue of the folk tale giant that greets each park visitor by name as they enter.
The terrifying prospect of facing such a creature caused Ms. Argetsinger's body to break down, giving her a legitimate and blameless reason to avoid the ordeal.
In the years since then Ms. Argetsinger has redoubled her efforts to become a fully functional and successful journalist. The list of awards on her living room wall attest to her accomplishments in this effort. She is one of the most highly respected writers in the District of Columbia, and her podcast and television appearances have bolstered her reputation nationwide.
Just don't ever chant "Fee Fi Fo Fum" in her presence.
Paul Bunyan, Ms. Argetsinger's imaginary nemisis
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