Prose Poem: The Dust Storm

 

I like to read the newspaper at breakfast.

In fact, I dreamed of doing just that for many

years while I was a working stiff --

Retired and sitting

 down to buttered toast and marmalade,

with bacon and eggs, and a cup of peppermint tea,

 then snapping open the paper to continue my

pleasant struggle of becoming an informed citizen.

No rush -- I could spend all morning reviewing my horoscope

and doing the crossword.

So as soon as I retired I subscribed to the

Saint Paul Pioneer Press.

Then one morning there was this headline:

"GIANT DESTRUCTIVE DUST STORM HEADING OUR WAY!"

The reporter wrote that due to global warming

a huge dust storm from the shores of Africa would

hit our town by tomorrow; the potential for disaster

was enormous.

Gridlock. Power outages. Tire stores closed.

Famine.

Refusing to be stampeded into a panic,

I searched online for confirmation of this

unsettling story. I found none.

I turned on the radio, put the TV on CNN --

nothing.

The story in the Pioneer Press had a phone

number for the reporter who wrote the dust

storm story -- so I called her.

"Hello" said a voice. "This is Tiffany Chino."

"This is me" I replied, working up a fine

head of steam. "What's the big idea of making

up that dust storm thing? You're going to scare

 people into their graves!"

"You don't believe the story?" she asked quietly.

"No I don't! Besides, there's no other news media

carrying the story -- so I'm calling your bluff, you

phony!" 

I heard her sniffle. Then begin to weep.

"Oh, now . . . " I told her consolingly, "maybe I

was a little harsh. Anyone can make a mistake."

"Thank you" she said. I heard her blowing her nose.

"That was my very first story -- I'm just a cub reporter.

I wanted to impress my editor, so I made the whole thing

up."

"That's understandable" I said, suddenly liking this girl

very much. "You sound like you need a good breakfast. Why

don't you come over to my place tomorrow morning for some 

ham and eggs. I have a wonderful view of Phalen Park

from my condo."

The next morning she was at my door bright and early.

She brought a photographer with her, and didn't

stay long. Didn't even take a bite of toast.

And wouldn't you know it --

the next morning the newspaper ran

this huge headline, with my picture beneath it --

"ELDERLY MAN INVITES YOUNG

GIRLS INTO HIS APARTMENT, ALLEGEDLY TO

MURDER THEM WITH CHOLESTEROL!"

At least they said 'allegedly' . . . 

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From a teacher at BYU comes this email compliment about the above piece:  Thank you! Very entertaining. Drama, humor, social commentary--wonderfully combined and engagingly presented.