My Dear Children;
No, I never met Joe Rogan on the beach in Thailand.
Thanks for asking.
Your mother is making keto vegetable lasagna this morning.
She's using a whole block of Bongard's American Pasteurized Process Cheese.
I had a telemedicine conference with my urologist, Dr. Armstrong, last week; he prescribed medication.
Approval from Medicaid is still pending.
I once saw a strange light in the sky. So did my mother, while walking to the bookmobile with my sister Linda.
I've given up reading books from the Library, but still pretend to everyone I love going there.
Your mother bought a pair of black boots at DI on Saturday.
They hurt her feet when she squats.
I'm making a comedy video with grandson Noah on Tuesday; to be called "How to read a newspaper."
I hope he has a TikTok account.
I once fished a Thai Navy captain's hat out of the ocean at Ban Phe.
My Thai girlfriend Joom said I would be arrested if I kept it.
So I threw it back into the waves.
In Thailand after a corpse is burned at the Buddhist temple the monks toss the remains into the nearest body of water.
I once found a human femur in the surf at Ban Phe. I took it home for Joom's dog Neepoo.
This past week we were offered a free frozen turkey by two different people.
We turned them down, with thanks, both times, because we had no more room in our fridge or freezer.
Your mother asked me what happy Valentine Day memories I have.
I told her none for the past 26 years; that I regard Valentine's Day the same way she regards Halloween -- as an abomination.
She replied "That's sad."
Your mother bought me an electric razor for Christmas.
I'm sorry I never told anyone else but her at the time how grateful I am for that thoughtful gift.
Your mother just poured salt on the bottom of the oven, where some of the keto lasagna bubbled over. She says it keeps the spill from burning and smoking.
Each day brings new evidence to me that your mother is the smartest woman I have ever known.
Love,
Heinie Manush.
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