I went to top the tank off
when my eyes beheld a sign
that said a gallon of the stuff
was ninety-bucks-and-nine.
"Woe is me!" I hollered
as my wallet shriveled up:
"I can't afford a gallon now
or even half a cup!"
I parked my car, then shot it;
so it would not suffer pain --
My motor oil and brake fluid
I poured right down the drain.
Luckily I worked at home,
and never did commute --
but any walking was a strain
and wore out boot on boot.
I tried the train; I tried the bus --
but all I did was wait and cuss.
Was I a hermit soon to be,
confined at home with my TV?
And then I met the girl next door,
and soon discovered sweet l'amour.
But she would never take a step
without a car in which to schlep.
And so she broke my heart, alas --
and all because of costly gas!
This talk of war in the Ukraine
made my love life something vain.
But then the Russians came around,
and the price came tumbling down.
Now there's gasoline galore
(but with Russia WE'RE at war . . . )
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