Poem Inspired by Story from Tim Carman.

    Tim Carman. Washington Post.

Tim Carman has been a noted food reporter for the Washington Post for the past five years. Prior to that he was a free lance apple polisher for organizations such as The Twinkie Foundation and Anchovies Anonymous.
He received a BA, PDQ, and a BVD from the University of Nebraska, at Kearney (that's pronounced 'Karny,' friend!)
 His awards include Boy Scout citations for bottle cap tossing and a signet ring from the Green Lantern that glows yellow whenever he is in the presence of margarine.
His hobbies include beagles, bagels, and baubles.

"More than a month after McDonald’s introduced its latest fried chicken sandwich — you know, the one that would officially arm Ronald McDonald for a late-entry into the fast-food poultry wars — the product is nowhere to be found outside the test markets of Houston and Knoxville, Tenn.

McDonald’s franchisees are apparently fed up with the delay, according to a recent Business Insider story."

@timcarman

A crew of franchisees one day

set off to find the cause

of why no chicken sandwiches

were in their grubby paws.

They watched as other fast food joints

served patties made of fowl,

while their own Golden Arches

didn't even have an owl.

They sailed the Seven Seas, they did,

and found but little sooth;

plant based meat was plentiful,

but who cared for that truth?

(and that is when the cook began

to drink up the vermouth.)

They blazed a trail through jungles

and they forded rivers wild;

they even entered delis

where the corn beef was high piled.

They checked each nook and cranny,

and they looked beneath the rocks;

they found that kings and colonels

now did watch them like a fox.

(And then some squint-eyed sailor man

did steal all of their socks.)

Ragged and bedraggled much,

the franchisees were sick

of hearing from their customers:

"Hey buddy, where's the chick?"

And so they raided poultry farms

and snatched the birds away.

They ground 'em up in secrecy

and labeled 'em 'gourmet.'

(And though they're mostly feathers

you should see how people pay!)