Sunday, June 18, 2017

Headlines. Sunday. June 18. 2017.

                        DOCUMENTS PROVE TRUMP IS NOT A NATURAL BLONDE.

The revelation comes at a time when the President is considering banning Muslim hairdressers from entering the United States. When told of the gigantic swindle perpetrated on the American people, Bernie Sanders was quoted as saying “Can I have some soup for lunch?”


CREEPY CLOWN SHOT AND KILLED BY AUTHORITIES WHILE DOING NOTHING MUCH

Authorities say the man was brandishing a cardboard sign, threatening passersby with paper cuts, and had to be taken down by force majeure. Although ISIS has claimed responsibility for the clown’s bad makeup, sources in Homeland Security believe apricot pits are good dietary fiber.


SURVEY SHOWS AMERICANS WANT LESS CHURCH IN THEIR RELIGION


The Felbish Survey Center reports that when asked what they would change about their religion if they could, 77% responded by saying some of their best friends are atheists and to mind your own business. 44% of respondents also said that fluoride brings you closer to God than ginger ale.

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