GRASS WORLD, near Big Bone Lick State Park in Kentucky, is famous for two things: Grass, and sprinklers. You can ride the Crab Grass Express through Sprinkler Alley, or enjoy a toothsome Fescue Dog on a stick. Admission is $10.00 children, and $20.00 adults. Senior Citizens are admitted free of charge every time the computer goes down.
THE BIRTHPLACE OF SPONGEBOB TRAPEZOIDPANTS -- a cousin to the more famous Spongebob Squarepants. Located in scenic Slacks, New Jersey, this historic site attracts hardly anyone and actually is the back of an abandoned K-Mart. So if someone with a broken nose invites you to take a ride to the Trapezoidpants house -- run like the wind for the nearest Witness Protection Program.
SIX FLAGS OVER NO PARKING in Fructose, California, is the kind of place where magic memories are made over a long day of trying to find a parking spot, any parking spot, within a ten mile radius. As you fruitlessly cruise dingy side streets and trash-filled alleyways you and your family will bond in a way that only occurs during a hostage-taking situation.
UNEMPLOYED WHITE GUY CITY is a suburb of Detroit, Michigan, and well worth a long visit -- especially if you are gainfully employed and want to throw bricks out your car window at the interesting denizens of this thriving ghetto. And don't miss the Eternal Voting Booth memorial located in City Park -- an interactive display that allows you to vote for Donald Trump over and over again, like the poor fatheads that live there did.
CRANE OF DEATH. The one and only attraction in Fungus Falls, Minnesota -- this hallowed ride has been around since 1949, when citizens of the town decided to start dropping strangers from the crane rather than build a motel. Nowadays you can buy Crane key chains or a T-shirt that reads "Watch out for that first step -- it's a doozy!" at the gift shop at the base of the crane, before you are hauled up and pushed off into oblivion. The ride is half-price for children on Thursdays.
Welcome to EMPTY LOT, near the intersections of Highway 12 and County Road 5 in the great state of Texas! This is the place to go when you and your family want to avoid all those long lines and distracting rides that other amusement parks have. There's nothing here but cracked asphalt and noxious weeds. With any luck you'll be able to catch a cricket to take home with you as a new family pet, or maybe even accidentally cut yourself on a broken beer bottle! The possibilities are endless.
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