Timericks from stories by Sarah Needleman, Sarah Mervosh, Maura Judkis, Jacob Gallagher, and Kim Severson.

Tim Torkildson, creator of the 'timerick' and alleged Mob boss.

Hash Browns With a Side of Hand Sanitizer: What Going to a Restaurant Is Like Now.

@saraheneedleman

When dining al fresco beware/the frumulous furious stare/of those wearing masks/who suddenly asks/where's YOUR veil, you anchovy pear?

Bars, Strip Clubs and Churches: U.S. Virus Outbreaks Enter Unwieldy Phase

@smervosh

Think I'll go to church today/It's full of germs -- what's that you say?/Then how about a little snort/The virus there will too cavort?/A strip club, then -- I might as well/get sick while going straight to hell.

Who will solve the great fireworks mystery, and will we ever sleep again?

@MauraJudkis

All across this acrid land/loud fireworks are in demand/The people do not want to vote/with little bombs they do revolt/The night is full of bursts and blasts/by suchnsane enthusiasts/Insomnia, you're here to stay/I think I'll move to Uruguay.

The Mullet is Back. Like It or Not.
@jacobwgallagher

And so the world of stylish hair/dreams of mullets in nightmare/Looking like a horse's mane/mullets always were insane/Now they're back/and I'm appalled/I wish the whole wide world were bald.


Ballpark peanuts, a classic summer treasure, have been benched.
@kimseverson

Gone are the goobers, gone from the game.
Pandemic life just got awfully lame.
The stadium's silent, with dust devil whirls;
The smell of roast peanuts as rare as black pearls.
What I wouldn't give for those big salty nuts
as I told the umpire he was a klutz.
I guess to the market I'll go for a bag
and eat 'em while watching more Netflixing slag.