Ledes & Limericks Monday January 15 2018

Federal and local officials are reviewing the
U.S. wireless emergency alert system after
a false warning over an incoming ballistic
missile rattled Hawaii on Saturday,
exposing what officials say are troubling
shortcomings in the network.

A button that was wrongly pushed

Our peace of mind has now ambushed.

Our defences seem to be

Prone to such calamity.

When the real thing does occur,

I hope I’m surfing at Big Sur.

The Three Stumbling Blocks

to a Solar-Powered Nation

I wish that I could truly run

My computer off the sun.

But then fossil fuels would be

Part of ancient history.

And since Exxon calls the shots,

Sunshine will not give me watts.

If We Ever Get to Mars,

the Beer Might Not Be Bad

Beer that is brewed upon Mars

And served in the very best bars

If drunk to excess

Makes astronauts less

Able to navigate stars.

Vikings Shock the World, Especially Minnesota

The Vikings a miracle did,

Which caused the fans to flip their lid.

But can they repeat

This kind of weird feat

Or will they still stay off the grid?

Uproar as South Korea Plans Cryptocurrency Crackdown

Is bitcoin a saving or scam --

Or maybe a one-time grand slam?

I think I will tiptoe

Around money crypto --

Lest I should be shorn like a lamb.

Fingerprint-Scanning Time

Clocks Spark Privacy Lawsuits

I will not share my fingerprints with anyone at all.

Not butcher, baker, banker, bookie, or a shopping mall.

And why in blazes should my boss require fingerprints --

Does he think I’m gonna poison his takeout cheese blintz?

The world grows so intrusive that it must know all about

My fingerprints and bladder functions and if I eat trout.

My metrics analyzed provide a slew of nothing much --

The voyeurism of our times is really a nonesuch!

I’m gonna pull the plug someday on all this foofaraw,

And shred my blasted smartphone into digital coleslaw.

Then nobody will know a thing about me -- happy day!

And I will stay anonymous to ev’ry snooping stray.   

The Pentagon wants bigger nukes

To handle the warlords and kooks.

But bigger blasts mean

Nobody stays clean --

We’re gonna mutate into cukes!