Where is Richard Simmons? That is what I’d like to know.
Is he captive in Pyongyang or sledding in Fargo?
Is he in his basement held in chains by serving staff?
Does he wear a loincloth now and ride a tall giraffe?
Will we ever see this man in spangled shorts once more?
Or will we find his skeleton inside a candy store?
Come back, Richard Simmons -- it is three years since you stretched.
Upon our hearts and Spandex only your name has been etched!
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