I don’t know about you, but I can never get enough dill pickles in my diet. They are savory and sour and salty and just plain good for what ails ya. So today I’m making a meatloaf with ground beef and pork, and putting in about half a jar of dill pickle chips. With it I’m making mashed turnips, as a snooty alternative to mashed potatoes. I just wanted to show you guys I can be as refined and hoity-toity as any old French gourmand. For dessert I have invested in a box of chocolate-covered Twinkies, which seems kinda like gilding the lily. But never let it be said that the short-tempered chef isn’t willing to go out on a limb when it comes to good things to nosh!
Well, I got the turnips peeled and put in a pot of salted boiling water without any mishap. I added a few bay leaves just for the heck of it. Can’t hurt anything -- as long as I remember to extract them before mashing. They were much easier to peel than I thought they’d be -- I think what I’m fixating on is rutabagas, or swedes, which are the very devil to peel, as are beets. That settles it, I’ll be featuring them next week, just to show the world I can peel a root vegetable without taking the Lord’s name in vain.
I thought I had everything ready for mixing the meatloaf. There’s only one way to mix meatloaf, and that’s by hand. I had some latex gloves that I struggled into, sitting down and humming a calming hymn to myself while I tried to put them on without a yawning hole developing. After that, I opened all the jars and bottles of spices and other accoutrements to my dill pickle masterpiece (I’m using Mt Olive hamburger chips, by the way -- it was the smallest bottle I could find on the shelf; I don’t much care to get a hernia lugging a ton of groceries home just so you can chuckle at my haphazard cookery!) Anyway, I thought I had everything pre planned and prepared. I mixed up the pork and beef, added the pickles and McCormick’s seasoning packet and the cream and mayo and two eggs and then smooshed it all up with my hands. Then I put plastic bags over my gloves so I could put in a dash of Worcestershire sauce I had forgotten earlier. Man, I was on fire! But then I forgot to get the disposable aluminum pans ready, and I got raw meat grease all over knives and the sink and everywhere -- dammit!
But not to worry -- after the mixture was safely in the pans, with yesterday’s leftover cherry tomato gunk on top, I slid the two pans into the oven, set the timer, and washed down everything that might have that damn raw meat grease on it. So I’m feeling better, thank you. It’ll all come together in about an hour for a superb midday meal, the kind of meal you get in France or Italy or maybe Greece. They know how to take a long midday break in those places, have a big meal, guzzle wine, and then pass out in the shade for a few hours. Outside of the wine, I plan on doing the same thing. My tipple today is a chilled bottle of Bundaberg Ginger Beer.
I’m happy to report that the meatloaf turned out just as I hoped -- the dill pickle chips added just the right soupcon of sour and tart, and I had two helpings with deep relish. Unfortunately the mashed turnips were watery and tasteless -- I think those babies have to be roasted (or else maybe not boiled so long; I followed the online recipe that said boil ‘em for 45 minutes.) And the chocolate-covered Twinkies are superb! Light and sweet, and yet at the same time substantial enough to let your taste buds know they have had an artery-blocking dose of the good stuff.
I’ve got a pan and a half of the meatloaf left, so I’m going to make some phone calls -- see if anybody wants a pan for tonight or their Sunday dinner. My freezer is so full of unidentified leftovers that I’ve notified the Smithsonian they should drop by to look for woolly mammoths in there.
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