Rubber bands. Their ingestion leads to slingshotosis. So stop sprinkling them on your granola!
Dish soap. We all love it on our pancakes, but studies show that most brands contain magic imps that carry away all the grease they find -- this can have serious consequences for your grease glands.
Grapefruit. We have no idea what’s wrong with grapefruit, but it’s on every no-no list on the internet, so who are we to go against the grain?
Kleenex. It’s made from ground glass, you know. Plus they never get the flavors right.
Rolex oyster watches. Only in the months that have an ‘R’ in them.
Duct tape. When it sticks to your ribs -- it sticks to your ribs!
French cooking. It’s nothing but wine, butter, and snails -- you’re better off chugging a can of Pennzoil.
Windex. We know the pretty blue color is tempting, but it’s made from the distilled blood of the endangered Windex bird of Madagascar. There are only a dozen left in the entire world. Be a tree hugger for once, okay?
Pickled wombat feet. Australians are inordinately fond of this delicacy, and you don’t want to turn out like THEM do you?
Grass clippings. Unless it’s going to rain and you like to sniff your own butt.
Dilithium crystals. These don’t really exist, so if you find yourself munching on a bag of them it’s time to go see Dr. Phil.
Bic pens. They give you constipation -- otherwise known as Writer’s Block.
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