Why is James R. Hagerty called Bob?
I never understood the reason for that,
ever since I started reading him
forty years ago.
He doesn't write like a Bob.
He doesn't look like a Bob.
Hell, he doesn't even talk like a Bob.
And I should know --
because I have been investigating
him for the past ten years.
And that includes listening to him
on radio and TV. Taking notes.
James R. Hagerty, I have concluded,
is a Fred.
Talks the Fred talk. Walks the Fred walk.
And has the Fred look.
If you look closely at the neckties
he wears, you will notice a small
embroidered "F" on every single one.
Oh, I know he'll deny it up and down.
He'll show you affidavits testifying
to his being known as Bob
everywhere from Brussels to Hong Kong.
His library card from the
Chagrin Falls Public Library
lists him as James R. (Bob) Hagerty.
But in his heart he knows he's Fred.
Because inside every Bob there is a
Fred yearning to get out.
And because he has often stated
that his favorite Red Skelton character
has always been . . .
Freddy the Freeloader.
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