It's not that I have anything against
the reporter Travis M. Andrews.
I don't. I read his stuff all the time
in the Washington Post.
But I have to say I was put out
when he published his book
about Jeff Goldblum.
Without talking to me.
Because, you see, I am
the real Jeff Goldbum.
I have the birth certificate
to prove it.
I made all those movies.
I lead the Mildred Snitzer Orchestra.
Did all the video games.
And started my own theater group.
That guy Andrews interviewed
is my stand-in. My stunt double.
How the mix up occurred
is an unfathomable puzzle.
I thought about suing
or, at least, egging his office.
But, nah -- Andrews writes so well
it's a pleasure to read his book.
Even though I regard it as fiction.
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to which Mr. Andrews replied via email:
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