Brazilian President vows to make it easier for civilians to defend themselves in world’s most murderous nation

SÃO PAULO—Brazil’s new president, Jair Bolsonaro, signed a decree Tuesday to loosen the country’s strict gun laws, vowing to make it easier for civilians to defend themselves in what has become the world’s most murderous nation.

In the first major policy move by the two-week-old government, Mr. Bolsonaro said Brazilians living in rural areas or regions with high homicide rates, as well as business owners, will automatically qualify to buy a gun to keep on their property.

WSJ

Said Mr. Bolsonaro to the people of Recife,

"Get yourself a pistol to shoot crooks when they are thiefy!"

He gladly told the citizens of scrappy Macapa

that they could shoot most anyone, because of martial law.

Brazil's new presidente has decreed that guns are swell;

that citizens should carry one, aggression to repel.

He wants to arm the biznessman, the teacher, and the schmo

who drives a garbage truck and does his thinking mighty slow.

Tabernas will have rifles that their patrons can employ

when too much cold cerveja makes them feel like a cowboy.

Shooting bottles, mirrors, and occasional barback,

makes a Brasileiro happy as a crackerjack. 

And if a wife in Campo Grande finds her spouse a bore,

she can use a Luger that will make his spirits soar.

Or when the alunas wish to take a holiday,

they fire off an Uzi so professores run away.

It's nice to have a country with the citizens so armed

that though they're shot up full of holes nobody's getting harmed.

On Sugarloaf they target practice as the birds wing by;

such slaughter is delightful, though it makes the toucans cry.

So come on down to Rio for the Carnaval this year.

No crime or foul extortion will you ever need to fear.

For if a bad hat happens to get in your tourist face,

they'll shoot him up until he's nothing but some shredded lace.

Of course there is a slight chance that you might be wounded, too --

but tourists in the ER get a free pet cockatoo.

The fact is that I hereby want to give my final notice

that my arsenal and I are moving to Pelotas!

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